


Thunderstorm

by JudasComplex



Series: Detective and the Delinquent [1]
Category: Persona 4
Genre: (meaning Naoto's parents died), Developing Relationship, F/M, Past Character Death, Phobias, kinda PTSD, thunderstorm, why do I hurt my babies so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-10
Updated: 2015-09-24
Packaged: 2018-03-22 03:55:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3714019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JudasComplex/pseuds/JudasComplex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the thunder and lightning come, Naoto Shirogane is a child again, hearing that her parents are never coming home.</p><p>Now it's her grandfather's life that may be in the balance. What can she do when the storm comes, and she's all alone?</p><p>(Rating is purely me being safe rather than sorry; I'm planning on building this fic so it may delve into more mature stuff further on. Takes place post-game/Golden/animation.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I've had this idea floating around in my head for SO LONG NOW. I have my own apartment and really dislike being alone at night, so I called on those ideas and tied them into an idea I've had for Naoto for a while now. And of course, I'm a desperate Naoto/Kanji fan, so why not write my take on how they find each other? :D
> 
> As with most of my fics, this is a combination of original!P4, Golden, and the original animation (since they all could viably happen, basically...right?). Marie is not in this universe. Le sad. 
> 
> This probably takes place in April/May after the game ends, and thus before the Golden epilogue.

The estate was silent.

She hated when the estate was silent.

Keeping busy did enough to occupy her mind, but she wasn't going to be able to busywork for the entire time her grandfather and Yakushiji-san were gone. For one, there was no indication of how _long_ they would be gone for. For two...

_No. We are not considering that option._

So cleaning and dusting and rearranging her room it was. And then making sure that all of the food in the refrigerator was still edible. And in the pantry. Then rearranging the pantry because didn't Yakushiji-san have _any_ idea of basic organization, honestly the spices were all over the cabinets and if this was the kind of mess he was going to leave then she was going to insist that Grampa hire a cook and—

She froze, hand clenched around the neck of a soy sauce bottle. _This is nothing. Simply a fluke. Everything will be fine. It's simply a fall._ But the detective couldn't fool herself. A fall at her grandfather's age was nothing resembling simple, especially with that cough he'd had...

_Why wasn't I there? Why didn't I insist he go see someone sooner? Why didn't I see...?_ It was like watching Nanako in the hospital all over again. Again, the pieces of the puzzle were right in front of her and she was too focused on trivial things like _schoolwork_ and _court cases_ to be bothered by her own family's illness...

A sob managed to choke its way out of her chest before she corralled her feelings again. _Get it together, Naoto!_ She could still hear Kanji from all that time ago. _Yes, this is precisely like the incident surrounding Nanako's illness. What's done is done, and chastising yourself over incidents you cannot change will not help anything._

She glared out the window at the cloud-darkened sky, watching the rain course down the windowpane in rivulets. If it hadn't been raining, she could have gone for a walk, and that would have at least gotten her out of the estate for a while. She could have walked down to the riverbed, sat by the Samegawa, browsed the bookstore... She could have done anything but sit in an empty mansion and _fret_. She hated fretting. It was pointless and juvenile and bothersome.

And yet, it appeared to be an inescapable portion of her makeup.

Adding another entry to the list of Naoto particularly despised about her given sex (along with such items as _difficulty sleeping on stomach, absurd expectations of fashion,_ and _lunar cycles_ ), she headed up the stairs back to her room, determined to find something else to occupy herself with.

_And what will you do when you have run out of busywork?_ She tried to shove the unwanted thought from her mind. _There is only so much you can do before you are left in a house alone with nothing to do._ During the days would not be a problem. She still had school to attend, and she could likely convince one of the others from the group that had formed last year to allow her to tag along with whatever they were doing for the afternoon. Evenings she could make dinner—though her cooking was still rather unpracticed—and work on her coursework.

_So what about nights? Even tonight, you're running out of options..._

It was like her Shadow had crept into her brain and made a home there instead of the 'secret base' she had (gratefully) left behind in the television.

Unfortunately, as the Shadow often did, it did raise a point. With the skies this dark from the rain, the house was getting grim even with all the lamps in the house turned on. (All of them. She'd checked. It would be irritating to go through and turn them off again, but...perhaps she would simply leave them on for now. She could apologize for the electric bill later.) She took a breath and turned to face her bookshelf. “You. You can be reorganized.”

No sooner had she reached for a book than the room lit up around her—then faded, with all the speed it had come with. She blinked—and then again—and her eyes widened when—

_**BOOM!** _

With a squeak most unbecoming of a detective of her caliber, she felt her knees give out from her as she crumpled to the floor, hands over her head.

_No, no, no, why did it have to thunderstorm **now** , of all times...?_ It wasn't something she was particularly proud of, but since she was a child, she had harbored a severe phobia of thunderstorms. Each crash of thunder reminded her over and over again of hearing the officer at the door, informing her au pair that there had been an accident and did she know who the closest living person of kin was, and was that their daughter? Thunder was synonymous with death and abandonment and everything she thought she'd finally gotten over.

Under any other circumstances, she could talk about her parents' death without emotion at all. It was simply another facet of her life—an unfortunate and painful one, but one in the past and dealt with. Everything was under control...and most of the time it was.

Except when it stormed.

It had certainly made it easy for her to remember when to watch for the Midnight Channel. Rain was always vaguely ominous, with its potential to herald the storm.

Taking a shuddering breath, she pulled herself up from the floor, cursing the utter loss of control, and reached for her books again. _I will not let this storm cripple me. I will continue to act normally, as if nothing has changed, and I will...not...let the storm win._

Another flash of lightning, and her heart was in her throat, hand white-knuckled on her copy of _A Study in Scarlet_. A clap of thunder, and this time the lights flickered. 

“Don't you dare,” she warned the light in her room, pointing an accusing finger at the fixture. “I will not stand for your obstinance tonight.” Placing the book with the rest of her Conan Doyle— _how had they gotten separated?_ —she went to start on a new shelf when the house phone rang.

Her body chilled. _It's probably a telemarketer. It's nothing. It's just something routine and typical._ Stiffly, she made her way downstairs to the front room, where the nearest telephone was, and answered. “Good evening, Shirogane residence.”

“Naoto? That you?”

The voice was utterly alien and yet incredibly familiar at the same time. _Who...?_ Someone who knew her, calling the house phone...? The tone was too brusque to be anyone her grandfather worked with, and regardless, none of them would refer to her simply by her first name. 

She must have taken too long thinking, because the male voice spoke again. “Naoto? You there? C'mon, answer me.”

Finally the pieces clicked, giving her mind a vision of leather and peroxide blonde. “Kanji-kun? How...how did you get this number?”

“You ain't answering yer cell, so I asked around ta see if anyone knew yer house number. 'Course, no one did so I called the station, but they didn't want ta give that out so I ended up callin' Dojima-san an' I guess he knew, or he looked it up or sumthin.”

Kanji was speaking too quickly, and Naoto's mind was desperately trying to keep up, but as the storm grew increasingly closer, it was becoming harder to focus. “My phone battery m-must have died. You...Dojima-san?”

“Are you okay?” The young man on the other end of the line sounded far too concerned. _Does he know...? No, he couldn't possibly. I haven't told anyone, not even Yu-san..._

“O-of course, why wouldn't—” Her voice hitched at the clap of thunder, louder than its predecessors, hit overhead. “I be?”

“Jus' saw the paper. Ma picked it up on her way home from the store, an' it's got sumthin' in it 'bout yer gramps, I think. I mean, can't be too many Shiroganes around, right?”

“Evening...paper...?” Of course, he'd collapsed in public, on his way home from some speaking engagement. He was something of a figure in the community, thus naturally there would have been some kind of mention of it in the news. “O-oh. Yes. Of course. I'm f-fine.”

“Ya sure? I mean, you got kinda a big house up there, an' if you're all alone...” Kanji's sentence didn't quite have an ending, but Naoto could manage an extrapolation.

“Quite sure. I appreciate the consideration, but I am j—” This time, the thunder was a gunshot, and it was everywhere—everywhere, the storm was right on her head—and she was sure she'd made some kind of noise but had no idea what it was, and why was she sitting on the floor now, where did the phone receiver go...

“Naoto? Naoto!” the voice shouted from the dangling receiver. _Thank God for corded phones._

She reached out, her hand shaking enough that she could just barely keep hold of it, and brought it back to her ear. “My a-apologies.”

“You sure as hell don't sound all right, Naoto.” Kanji's voice was rough, and if he'd been anyone else, she would have heard a warning in his tone, but this was Kanji and what would be possibly be warning her about...

“I... I assure you th-that there is n-nothing t-to be done, and I a-am fine. I'm...I'm just n-not...” Before her sentence finished, another crash of thunder startled the phone out of her hand—

—and the house went dark.

Maybe the phone still worked. “K-Kanji-kun?” Silence. “ _Kanji-kun?_ ” Still nothing. Her voice shattered. “ _Kanji!?_ ”

That was the final straw. Leaning over to press her forehead toward her knees, Naoto dissolved into tears, trying to choke back the sobs before they made it out. _Why tonight? Why does Grampa have to be in the hospital for the first storm we've had in months now, why did the power have to go out, why did Mother and Father have to go out that night, why does it **always have to storm and leave me alone...!?**_

Around her, the storm raged on, uncaring of one _little girl's_ pain, shaking the walls with claps of thunder she was sure would bring the house down around her and flashes of lightning brighter than any bulb in the house. Naoto couldn't move. She stayed seated on the floor next to the again-dangling phone receiver, its silence haunting. She wrapped her arms over her head, trying to hide herself from the storm, trying to make herself small enough that she could just vanish and the storm would be gone and her parents would be there and everything would be _fine_ and she _hated herself for feeling like this._

She couldn't fight off this weakness. This was more than her Shadow, more than a sexist police department, more than the leers and jeers of the students around her, more than Ameno-sagiri and Izanami, more than being drawn into certain death as her compatriots—her _friends_ —all died around her as well. This was more than she could fight.

She didn't know how long she sat there, tears streaming down her face, coughing out sobs until her throat was raw—and still, the storm showed no mercy. Wind shook the walls, rain pounded against the glass in the windows, thunder boomed in her ears—

And when it sounded like the thunder had come directly down and crashed into her front door, she shrieked. Wide-eyed and knocked back to rest with her hands propping her up on the floor behind her, she stared at the door. _That was thunder. That was...thunder. ...Right?_

Until it happened again. _Bangbangbangbang._ Possibly a voice? The wind and rain swept any other sound away.

Desperately rubbing at her face with the cuffs of her sleeves, she forced herself to her feet and made her way to the door, legs shaking enough that she wasn't positive she was going to make it. A tug on the door opened it, and the wind snatched it out of her hand and pushed it open as wide as it went, bashing against the wall behind it and eliciting another squeak from the detective. And then her eyes went to who was at the door.

Standing there, out of breath and soaking wet, was Kanji Tatsumi. His blonde hair plastered to his head, half in his face, gray button-down shirt stuck to his torso, eyes wide and panicked. She could only imagine what she looked like herself: white button-down with tear-stained sleeves, hair disheveled, eyes wet and likely bright red, threadbare slate grey drawstring pants showing their age. No hat, no binder, just a shattered little girl in a pitch-black house all alone. Not remotely the image of Naoto Shirogane he'd ever seen before.

It didn't seem to matter. “Shit, Naoto.” He pushed his hair back from his eyes, reaching for the door and wrenching it forward, forcing it shut against the persistence of the wind.

“K-Kanji-kun. Y-you're...b-but...w-why...” Naoto's voice was still coming out in hiccups, the tears not quite startled out of her. “Y-you're all w-wet.”

With the door finally shut and latched, Kanji turned back to look at her, eyebrows knitted together, utterly blank for a moment. “Yeah. It's rainin'.” He went to take a step forward, then thought better of it, watching the water run off of him. “What the hell is wrong? Thought ya said you were fine.”

“I-I'm fine.” She waved a hand indistinctly, then flinched as another thunderclap struck. “I-It's j-just a st-st-storm. P-Power w-went out.”

“I ain't never seen you this worked up about anything.” Kanji's eyes never left her. _Odd_ , a tiny portion of her mind managed to note, _that this is the first time in recent memory he's had any composure around me at all. I wonder what the difference is._ She'd never quite figured out him out. A mystery, but not one easily solved. “C'mon, you c'n talk to me. What's up?”

“I-I...” She choked on a sob. “J-Just d-don't like st-storms, a-and...” Another flinch, and she wrapped her arms as tight as she could across her chest. “A-and n-now the p-power's o-off, and G-G-Grampa...” 

Her knees threatened to buckle again, and this time Kanji didn't care about the floors of the house. In an instant he was next to her, one hand on either arm, keeping her from collapsing to the floor again. “Hey, whoa, it's okay. C'mon.” He cautiously walked her over to a chair near the door and eased her down, letting her curl in on herself there, knees tucked up to her chest. “This ain't just the storm.” It wasn't a question, so Naoto didn't offer an answer. “Naoto.”

“I-I'll be f-fine,” she managed to mumble against her knees.

That got a huff of air from the taller of the two. “Dammit, Naoto, stop tryin' ta be so damn perfect an' only relyin' on yourself all the time!” She flinched into a tighter ball, and Kanji made an indistinct noise. “Dammit, sorry. Didn't mean t' shout. But...” She could just see in her peripheral vision the young man shift so that he was crouching down closer to her eye level. “You don't gotta hide everything.”

“Wh-what w-was I supposed to d-do?” Her voice was climbing in pitch dramatically, and she couldn't keep the hysterics from spilling over. “It's a-already r-raining out there a-and I can't g-go anywhere in th-this much r-rain s-so what what anyone g-going to _do_ about it!?”

If Kanji was bothered by the shrillness of her voice, he didn't show it. “I'll figure somethin' out.” He looked around. “I was gonna offer to stay here with you, but if th' power's out, that ain't exactly the best idea I guess.”

“B-but... H-how...” Her sentences all fall short of completion. She turned her head to look at Kanji, who was still peering around the house, frowning at the darkness. “K-Kanji-kun.”

His eyes came back to her. “Yeah?”

“W-what c-can we do? W-we c-can't go back out th-there in this...” Her eyes flickered to the window. 

Kanji scoffed. “Like hell we can't. You sure as hell ain't staying in this dark-ass house by yourself.”

Naoto's throat choked. “I _c-can't!_ ” Her voice broke on the last word, barely eked out before her voice gave out into a truly embarrassing whine.

Kanji looked pained as he looked back at her. “Naoto, yer grandpa's in the hospital, yer freaked out by the storm, an' the power's out at yer house. I'm not leaving you here.” He moved so that she'd catch his eye, and there was a resolve in his grey eyes she didn't think she'd ever seen outside of the TV world. “You got a raincoat?”

If her eyes got any wider, she was sure they'd fall out of her head. “K-Kanji-kun...”

“Do. You. Have. A. Raincoat.” 

That tone held no room for argument, and Naoto's resolve had vanished with the storm. She nodded weakly, indicating a coat closet on the other side of the room. “Th-the blue o-one.”

“Prob'ly coulda guessed. Don' move, okay?” He stood, waiting a moment seemingly to ensure that Naoto wasn't going to bolt, and then made for the closet. For her part, the detective couldn't have bolted if she wanted to. She sat, shivering and flinching at every crack of thunder, face buried between her knees.

A moment or two later, she heard footsteps come back toward her, and a shift which felt like Kanji had crouched down again. “Hey.” It was as soft as she'd ever heard the so-called punk, and it was too much. The tears came back, and she coughed out a sob. “Shit, I'm... dammit, I don' even know what I did, but I'm sorry anyway.” A wet sound, probably as he shifted his weight. “C'mon. I found your coat.”

Tear-damn eyes lifted a fraction, and she could see the blurry outline of her navy poncho. “...c-can't...go o-out th-th-there. C-can't...w-walk.”

Kanji made a strange strangled sound that Naoto couldn't place, then coughed. “Don't need to. C'mon. Can ya stand?”

She hesitated, then cautiously uncurled, setting her feet on the floor and bracing herself against the arms of the chair. After a slow breath—and another flinch from the storm that nearly destroyed any progress she'd made—she pushed herself to her feet. Wavering, she started to fall toward the chair again, but this time Kanji reacted fast enough, one arm around her shoulders, steadying her. “Hey, whoa, it's okay. C'mon.” He held out the coat.

“M-my phone...” She looked up the darkened stairs to her room, pointing a shivering finger.

“We'll figure 'at out later. C'mon.” Seeing the lack of initiative, Kanji flipped the poncho over Naoto's shoulders. Muscle memory got her arms in the sleeves while the blonde fastened it around her.

“Wh-where...what...”

With the coat closed up, he flipped the hood over her hair and caught her eyes again, that determination still there. “You trust me?”

Naoto was stunned. “Wh-what...?”

“Do you trust me?”

One blink. Two. A jerky nod. “Y-yes, o-of course...”

“Then hang on, tight as you need.” In a flash, Kanji had bent just enough to get an arm behind her knees, and swept her off her feet. She let out a yelp, locking up in his arms for a second. “You gotta try an' relax, Naoto. Now hold on.” He made for the door, managed to get it both open and closed again without dropping her, and then bolted off the front step and out into the storm.

Relaxing wasn't an option, but his last command was. All dignity lost, she buried her face in his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his neck, trying desperately not to collapse into hysterics again as she feels the rain pound against the fabric of her coat.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so encouraging to see so many people liking this fic! I've got a question for the lot of you, but I'll post it down at the bottom so you can get to your fic-loving first. :D Without further ado~

It seemed like hours before she heard a door slide open and closed, and finally—finally—the staccato of rain bullets stopped hammering her back. Specifics were lost; her mind was a haze. Kanji was talking, someone else said something to him, she felt his arms tighten and his voice vibrate in his chest...and then there was more movement, and she lost track of herself and felt hot and cold and dizzy and where was she now...?

When the roller-coaster finally pulled to a stop, she was sitting on a couch, wrapped in a blanket, in a dimly-lit room. _Dimly-lit. So perhaps I didn't hallucinate the past few hours._ She forced her eyes to focus on her surroundings. A living space, quite clearly, but not one she recognized. A television in the corner, tatami on the floor, a hearth in the center of the space. _I haven't seen a house with a hearth in quite some time._ The typical furnishings of a classically built house, with few indications of who it could belong to.

But as a shadow shifted in her peripheral view, it became apparent that what she'd thought was a trick of the light was actually a figure sitting near the hearth, entirely obscured by the blanket wrapped around them and the towel on their head.

_Come to think of it, I have a towel on my head as well._ She reached up to remove it—and the shadow moved again, this time revealing a familiar face.

“Naoto. Yer...um. You...” He cleared his throat. “Mornin'.”

She blinked, and tilted her head to look out the window above her head, feeling the towel slide off to lie behind her. Rain still trickled down the panes, but she couldn't hear thunder anymore. The sky remained pitch black. “It...is still evening.”

She heard a halfhearted chuckle. “Well, proves you're better than before, I guess, if you c'n still talk like 'at.”

Naoto lowered her head again, staring blankly into the middle space. Flashes of the past few hours came rushing back to her—the power going out, the thunderstorm, Kanji appearing at her door, her complete breakdown. _Ugh..._ It was one thing to have her weakness trouble her. It was another to force it onto others. Hadn't all of them done enough by enduring her Shadow?

“I'm sorry,” she replied, her voice just above a whisper.

Kanji's eyebrows furrowed. “Sorry? What for?”

“For the...this...inconvenience. For my actions.” _For acting like a child, pathetic and weak._

“Hell with that.” The response startled Naoto. Kanji pushed off of the floor, sliding him closer to the couch, and then turned to face her, pulling the towel off of his own head. Even through the weak light, she could see he looked pale. “You ain't got nothin' to apologize for. Jus'...” He reached up to run a hand through his hair, then scowl at the dampness it left. “Everybody's scared-a somethin'. Hell, Chie-senpai's afraid-a thunderstorms too, I guess.”

Naoto shook her head. “It's...” She sighed, uncertain she wanted to reveal this much to anyone. “There are compounding issues, in my case.”

Kanji blinked, then shook his head. “Whatever that means, it don't matter.”

She brought her fist down on the couch next to her, startling both Kanji and herself. “It _does_ matter. I...” And then her confidence waned again, and the fist loosened. “I'm sorry.”

“Like I said b'fore. You ain't gotta be sorry.” He coughed, then buried his face in his blanket to sneeze.

Horror struck like a stray lightning bolt from the storm. “You came to the estate in the rain...and all the way back. You must be drenched to the bone. Kanji-kun, why in the world would you—”

“J-just cause. Don' worry 'bout me. I'm okay.” The blush burned brighter on his pale skin than usual. “Listen, Ma said when you came 'round, I should get ya some dry clothes. I, uh... I don't got much, but I...I'll find ya somethin'. Gonna get sick if ya stay in what you got.”

“I...oh.” As he said it, the wet weight of her clothes did pull on her. She had been wearing a raincoat, yes. But that did not account for the force of the storm, or the wind. With a sudden chill, Naoto clutched the blanket around her and nodded. “Very well.”

“Jus'...stay here, arright?” He got to his feet and vanished further into the house, grabbing the two towels as he went.

Now alone in the room, the chill crept in closer now, pushing through her limbs and into her chest, locking up her throat. _Alone._ Intellectually, she knew she was far from it; Kanji was likely only a room or two away, and his mother couldn't be far either. But somehow, knowing they were so close and yet not there made it feel all the worse. She coughed, biting back the sob that fought its way up her throat. _No more tears. I am so sick of tears._

Strange, though, that out of everyone, Kanji had been the one to notice and act. True, she had not been particularly close with anyone in the Investigation Team outside of Yu—and she buried her face in the blanket, willing herself not to think about him right now—but Kanji seemed the least likely to go out on a limb for her. They rarely held consistent conversations, he found any excuse to avoid being alone or near-alone with her, and she always had the nagging feeling that Kanji wasn't comfortable around her, outside of their fighting in the TV world. Yu and the others had consistently insinuated that there were sparks of romance between the two, but Naoto didn't see it. She'd seen courtship before. This was far from it.

As for her feelings...those were a different story, and not one she understood well.

A noise from the opposite side of the room from where Kanji had left made her jump, but the shock faded as she recognized the figure of Kanji's mother approaching. “Tatsumi-san.”

“Oh good, you've woken up. You had us all rather worried, Naoto-kun.” She stepped over and offered Naoto a coffee mug. “I'm afraid it's a bit odd to serve tea in a mug, but I thought holding something larger might help warm you up, and I wasn't sure if you drank coffee or not.”

A small smile found its way to Naoto's lips. “Thank you, I very much appreciate it.” She hadn't quite realized how cold she was until the mug had come into her hands; the warmth was exceptionally welcome, as was the calming scent of the tea.

“Is there anything else I can get for you? Are you hungry?”

Naoto shook her head. “No, thank you. I'm quite well.”

“Did...” She looked around, no doubt seeing the lack of her son. “Is Kanji-kun finding you some dry things?”

“Y-yes, that is what he said he was doing.” She took a sip of the tea.

Kanji's mother shook her head, an affectionate smile on her lips. “I swear, that boy will find trouble no matter what he does. I couldn't believe it when he said he was going out in that storm, but I'm glad to see it was to help a friend in need.” She set a hand on Naoto's hair, and Naoto couldn't decide if the gesture was uncomfortable or welcome. “I'm sorry about your grandfather, dear. I pray he makes a quick and complete recovery.”

Naoto swallowed, nodding in hopes of avoiding the tears. “Yes. As do I. Thank you.”

The woman took a cue, bowed, and showed herself out, leaving Naoto with the mug of tea. _Maybe if I focus enough on my hands, I can convince them to stop shaking. They are warming. They have no reason to be shaking._

“Hey, uh...” The voice broke her focus, and her grip on the mug slipped for a fraction of a second, leaving her panicked for a heartbeat as she regained control of the mug—and thankfully, didn't spill anything. She looked up, Kanji in the doorway looking mortified. “S-sorry if I scared ya.”

“No, I...” She looked back down to the cup and decided maybe it was best if she set it down for the time being. “Just startled.”

There was a beat of silence, and then Kanji shifted on his feet. “Uh, so I...um.” Pale face reddening again, he held out what he had in his hands: presumably the clothing he'd gone to get. “Th-these should prob'ly fit you. I don't think I got anythin' smaller anymore. You c'n, um...” Now the other hand gestured down the hallway. “Bathroom's down there.”

It took a moment for the pieces to come together, but then she nodded, flustered. “Oh. Yes, of course. Thank you.” She stood, leaving the blanket behind on the couch—though the loss of the warmth it gave was dearly noted—and came over to Kanji, taking the clothes from his hands. He shifted out of the way so that she could move past him and into the hallway, quietly padding down until reaching the indicated bathroom.

Once inside with the light on, she flinched away from her reflection. She looked _awful._ Her hair was tangled and mussed, her skin more pale than average, dark splotches under her bloodshot eyes. Her clothes hung limply on her body, damp and chilled. Shivering, she slipped out of the wet clothes—opting to keep her undergarments regardless; they were not that wet and she did not wish to think of going without them, as being without her binder was bad enough—and inspected what Kanji had brought her.

Whatever the detective in her had expected, it wasn't what she found. For all intents and purposes, it was near identical to what she had been wearing originally. The pants were black, but still drawstring, and the white shirt was a pullover rather than a button-down. She found herself smiling. The pants fit well enough; even if they were a bit long, she could cinch them at the waist to fit snugly. The shirt was still comically large on her, as the bottom hung halfway down her thighs, and the sleeves covered her arms and hands completely. For a split second, she remembered the lab coat her Shadow had worn. _Not entirely dissimilar._ But rather than the horror she expected at the thought, she choked back half of a laugh. The entire situation of this evening, from beginning to end, was utterly absurd. Why not top it off with a wardrobe flashback? At least this version of herself wasn't interested in potentially fatal “alterations.”

The rest of her appearance, there was nothing she could do about. The red wasn't going to leave her eyes with anything but time. Running her fingers through her hair got it to at least passingly resemble standard, but it wasn't fooling her—it certainly wasn't going to fool Kanji.

_He must think I'm so immature. And I can't argue that assessment. Such a child._

She folded her damp clothing and picked it up, finding her way back to the main living space. Standing in the doorway, she came up quietly enough to not attract Kanji's attention. It was strange, seeing him unawares like this. Even alone, his shoulders were tense and hunched toward the hearth, his face pointed toward the warmth and thus beyond her sight. The blanket he'd had wrapped around himself was now sitting folded next to him. _I wonder why he isn't wearing it._ He'd changed into the purple hooded sweatshirt he often wore in the winters, and a pair of grey sweatpants, but after how long he'd spent in the rain he had to be more chilled than that.

She must have made some kind of sound, because Kanji turned back to look at her, flushed, and scrambled to his feet. “Oh, uh—here, lemme...” He gestured to her clothes, then suddenly burned brighter. “I mean, not fer...uh, it's...” He sighed. “Ma said she'd hang 'em up to let 'em dry.”

“Oh. Of course.” She offered the clothes to Kanji, and watched him leave with them. _His uncomfortable demeanor has returned. So why the sudden confidence when he arrived at the estate? What makes you tick, Kanji Tatsumi?_

When he returned, his expression marked confusion. “What's up?”

“Hm? Nothing.”

“Looked like you were thinkin' 'bout somethin'.”

Naoto shook her head. “Just...nothing of importance.” She wrapped her arms around her chest, involuntarily shivering.

“Oh—here, siddown.” He gestured to the hearth, and she allowed herself to sink down and sit on her heels in front of the warmth. Once she'd seated herself, he grabbed the blanket he'd formerly been wrapped in and draped it around her. Much like the shirt, it was exponentially larger than the other blanket had been. It was like she'd been covered in a tent.

“B-but... Kanji-kun, you must be freezing.”

“Nah, m'fine.” He sat crosslegged at the side of the hearth next to hers, tucking his hands into the front pocket of the sweatshirt.

“After all that time in the rain...”

“M'fine, Naoto. Sides, you prob'ly need the blanket more'n I do.” His face was still red. “The, uh... that all fit okay?”

“Ah. Yes. It is a bit oversized, but given the circumstances, I believe that is to be expected. They're quite satisfactory, thank you.” Sensing a fight she wasn't going to win, she pulled the edges of the blanket closer to her. It was certainly warm, and she hadn't noticed anything particular about the first blanket, this one felt...more worn in. It was a thick quilted blanket, fabric soft from use, smelling like coffee and dye and something that almost reminded her of sandalwood. She froze for a split second. _Is this from his--!_ No, no, it would absolutely not do to think about anything of the sort. The thought was filed away for later consideration.

Much, _much_ later consideration.

“Good. M'glad.” Kanji wouldn't look at her, but as if he'd only just remembered, he reached out and picked up her mug, which had relocated itself to the edge of the hearth. “Here. Tried t'keep it warm for ya.”

“Th-thank you.” There was a moment of silence, and then Naoto noticed the small amused smile on Kanji's lips. “Is something amusing?”

His eyes flickered to her, then back to the hearth, the smile vanishing. “Hm—oh, n-no, jus'...” It crept back as he managed to look back at her again. “I c'n tell you're feelin' a bit better. Sentences r'all long an' wordy again.”

She could feel her face flush, and she opened her mouth to protest—and then closed it again, knowing full well that she didn't have a leg to stand on. “I...suppose that's accurate.” She set the mug back on the hearth's edge after taking a sip and pulled the blanket closer around her, covering everything from the nose down.

The two sat in silence, as Naoto racked her mind for something, _anything,_ to say. _Why does casual conversation have to be so difficult for me!?_ It certainly didn't help matters that the two shared so little in common. While they were at school, it was simpler to keep up base conversation about classes or studies. During the investigation last year, they could have fallen back on considering theories. But now...now what did they have? _At least, present actions aside._

Finally settling on the most innocuous question she could think of, Naoto broke the silence. “Why does this blanket smell of coffee?”

Kanji frowned, looking at her for a moment. “Coffee...? Oh!” His eyes lit up in recognition. “It's prob'ly from my pin cushion.”

Now she was even more confused. “Your...I'm sorry, but why would a pin cushion smell of coffee?”

“It...hold on.” He pushed himself off the ground, leaving the room and coming back a moment or two later with a small knit tomato. “Here.”

Freeing a hand from the blanket cocoon she'd made, she took the tomato and peered at it. It was riddled with sewing pins, and...sure enough, when she brought it to her nose, it smelled strongly of coffee. “But...why?” She looked back at Kanji as he sat down again.

“Keeps the pins from rustin'. 'Sides, like the smell of coffee.” He shrugged. “S'got a fabric, uh, like, layer inside that all the coffee's in, and then I just made the tomato thing t'go around it.” He made an indistinct gesture with his hand, then tucked them both inside his pocket again.

Naoto let the blanket rest on her shoulders as she held the pin cushion in both hands. “This is...truly remarkable.”

“I—nah, it's n-nothin'. Jus' a tomato.” Kanji's gaze turned away, but even in the low light she could see the flush on his face.

“Truly. I...think I forget sometimes.” She let her gaze drift back down to the tomato. “For many of you, you have already seen the darkest, hidden portions of each other. My addition to the group was relatively late on, thus I was not present for your own Shadows.” Realizing how that could be taken, she felt her cheeks burn as she stammered out an addition. “N-not that I feel I have any right t-to see the type of thing your Shadows may have revealed about you, but...” Her hands tightened on the tomato, and she lost her train of thought.

“But what?” Kanji's voice was hesitant, soft.

“It is...disconcerting, knowing that all of you saw that...part of me, and yet I remain much in the dark about all of you.” She could barely bring her voice over a whisper.

“So why don' you ask?” Her head snapped up at his question, and by the look on his face, he wasn't joking. “What?”

“I...um.” Now she was the one with the flushed face. “I-it seems like a...breach of personal boundaries, inquiring about something like that.”

“Why? I mean, I'm not gonna lie an' say I'm not happy you didn't see my Shadow.” From the look that passed over the blonde's face at the mention, Naoto knew that Kanji's TV world had to have been at least as embarrassing as hers. “But, I mean...we're all friends, right? I ain't gonna keep secrets.”

Naoto looked back down to the tiny knit tomato in her hands. “Are we?” She could barely hear her voice herself; certainly Kanji wouldn't have heard—

“The hell you mean by that?” Or maybe he had. Naoto closed her eyes and didn't respond. “Naoto, after all the shit we been through, like hell I ain't gonna consider you all my friends, an' you can all call me your friend! I'd go through hell an' back for any of ya! The hell made you think we weren't?”

It took her a moment before she found her voice. “It's...” She could feel the heads of the pins digging into her palms. “Foolish of me. Please, never mind it.”

“No, I'm not gonna 'never mind it,' Naoto. You said it, so means you were thinkin' it.” When she didn't respond again, she could hear him growl. “Dammit, Naoto.”

“That's it, don't you see?” Her voice was rising again, and she bit it back, keeping herself from getting hysterical and shrill. “I don't... _do_ this. I played the part, I knew what was expected of me last year. We were all...partners, all working the case together and I knew what to do. It's not uncommon for a certain level of familiarity to grow between coworkers. But the case is over now, Kanji-kun, and I am utterly at a loss for what I am to do. The others are preoccupied with their studies and preparing for the inevitable placement exams they will be taking. I see you and Naoki-kun at school and I can exchange pleasantries with the both of you but I lack...I lack the ability, or knowledge or an intrinstic _something_ , to manufacture a further camaraderie that, in others, would otherwise naturally develop.”

“Just 'cause Chie-senpai an' the others are busy don't mean they ain't your friends anymore.” She glanced at him, but he was staring at his legs now. “Hell, I ain't talked t'Senpai since he went back to the city, but I'm still friends with 'im.” Now he looked over at her, and it was her turn to stare down at her hands. “You just...you gotta give us a chance. You gotta give yourself a chance.”

She waited a beat, frowning at the tiny tomato. “How do you mean?”

“I mean...you kinda...” He paused, and Naoto turned the tomato over in her hands. “You don't really let us...get t'you.” As her eyes snapped up to look at him, he was still fascinated by his pants. “I mean, you got a hell of a lot better after your whole Shadow thing, but...ya just kinda keep t'yourself, ya know? An'...” He took a beat of silence. “You're kinda intimidatin'.”

She had never been so stunned in her life. _Intimidating!?_ A multitude of adjectives could be reasonably applied to her, but _intimidating_ had never been one of them—particularly from _Kanji Tatsumi_. “I...can't possibly see...how _you_ , of all people, could find _me_ intimidating.”

Kanji scoffed. “Oh c'mon, Naoto. You're...really smart, an'...” He gestured, but if it was supposed to mean something, it was lost on the detective. “An' brave an' shit. You got this whole detective thing down an' you're my age.”

“You are a full foot taller than I am, quite possibly twice my weight, and you could throw me to the other end of the shopping district without so much as breaking a sweat.” She was utterly deadpan.

“S-so? That don't mean you ain't intimidatin' in your own way!” He hunched closer to his legs. “Bein' tough don't mean everything. Learned that th' hard way.”

“And neither does being smart.” She looked back down to the tomato. “Not being well-suited to academia does not indicate a lack of intelligence. You have proven that time and time again over the past year.” She held out a hand, offering the pin cushion back to him. “Such as this.”

“What, knittin'?” He took the pin cushion, she noticed, while being very careful not to come into contact with her. “That don't make me smart.”

“On the contrary. Your work with knitting and sewing demonstrates an exceptional level of spatial knowledge that does not come naturally to many. How many of your creations have started from patterns?”

“Huh?” The question seemed to take him by surprise, and he rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh, well I guess when I was a kid, I started with some patterns an' stuff, but now I just kinda know how things go together so I don' need them as much anymore.”

“You see? Whereas, if you handed me the same pair of knitting needles and yarn, I would likely make a fool of myself and a mess of the yarn.”

“S'not that hard,” Kanji muttered. “Could teach ya.”

“I believe that you could. I also believe, given enough time and patience, you could teach me to ski.” The smile that crept across Kanji's face lifted a weight she hadn't realized was on her chest until then. “No person is capable of excelling all fields. Where I am most comfortable around books and evidence lockers, you may find that same comfort here, with your yarn and a warm hearth—and there is nothing to indicate that one is better than the other, besides popular bias. Certainly if we were confronted with a brawl situation, my intellect would prove severely ineffective.”

“I dunno. Jus' confuse the hell out of 'em and run.” The smile hadn't left, as now he was staring at his pin cushion.

Naoto took a breath, swallowed, and set herself to say what came to her mind. “You count me as brave, yet you have seen me as the polar opposite tonight.” She saw Kanji stiffen, the smile fade, but otherwise stay silent. “I believe it was true bravery that brought you to my door despite significant obstacles to do such.”

“Wasn't nothin',” he murmured, rolling his shoulders.

“Indeed. It wasn't nothing.” Intentionally using the poor grammar to her advantage wasn't perhaps the most tactful method of conversation, but Naoto had to hope it would have the intended effect.

Unfortunately, a distraction came before she could see any notable reaction. “Kanji-kun?”

Kanji's head lifted, calling back down. “Yeah, Ma?”

“It's getting late, dear, and you've both had a very long evening. Why don't you get the spare futon situated for Naoto-kun so you can both get some rest?”

“O-oh, yeah sure.” Kanji got to his feet again. “Sorry, lemme go...you got that, so...okay, yeah.” He ducked into the hallway.

_I have... Perhaps..._ “Kanji-kun? Aren't you going to want this back? It is yours, yes?” She held up a portion of the blanket when he re-entered the room, rolled futon in hand.

“Yeah—I mean no, s'fine, I got...don' worry 'bout it.” He unrolled the futon, setting it up a comfortable distance from the hearth. “Ain't been used in a while, but Ma keeps 'em all...ya know, not musty or whatever. Should be fine.” He gestured to the futon, then seemed to be at a loss for what to do next.

“Ah. Yes, I see.” She brought herself to her feet, un-slinging the blanket from her shoulders so it was a little easier to move, then tossed it toward the unrolled futon. As she moved to join it, unfamiliar with the layout of the room, she caught the edge of the hearthstone with her foot and toppled forward. In a flash, Kanji had reached out and caught her arms, and her breath knocked out of her in a surprised “Hah!”

Once he was sure she was steady again, he let her go and frowned. “What?”

“You're freezing.” She raised up on her tiptoes and set the backs of the fingers against his cheek, which resulted—as she'd expected—in him flinching back from her. “I knew you had to be chilled. Why didn't you take the blanket when I offered? You soaked yourself to the core out there; you could get sick!”

“M'fine. 'Sides, you were th'—I mean, I was more...dammit, never mind. I got another blanket in my room. You need anythin' else?”

Naoto opened her mouth, but then simply closed it and shook her head. “Thank you, Kanji-kun.”

“Sure. Have a good night.” He stepped out, turning off the small lamp in the corner and shut the door, leaving Naoto to lie down on the futon, staring across at her ignored tea mug as she pulled the blanket—Kanji's blanket—around her.

_I am not alone. There are two other people in this house, and I am not alone._

_...I am not._

But in the darkness, it still felt like she was, and she knew sleep would not come easily to her, no matter how exhausted her body was.

_What do I do...?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's what I'm wondering. Since I know full well what's happening in that blonde head, would anyone be interested in seeing Kanji's POV for this story, either as chapters in this fic or as its own stand-alone piece? I'm tempted to type out his side of things (just because I think it's hysterical and so very puppy-dog-in-love-sad) but I'd like to ask you all! Lemme know in the comments. Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay! I hope the Lightning chapter tided you over ;) Here's chapter 3--I should have ch 2 of Lightning up soonish. (Promise there's a reason for the delay!) Also, if you're reading my other fic Get It Back to Good, you'll get Naoto's side of her bond with Yu in here ;)

She tried for hours. Tried every meditation technique she knew, tried to intentionally regulate her breathing, tried sheer force of will, but nothing was letting her sleep. Her mind was on high alert even as her body craved rest, and even with Kanji's blanket wrapped around her, she felt chilled.

_Even I can recognize a chill that comes from something other than external temperature. If only I truly understood the cause._

It was times like these she would have sent a text message to Yu, but with her phone dead and still at the estate, that wasn't an option. They had been...close, perhaps too close at times, during his year in Inaba. In the minds of reasonable people, the two would have put any potential feelings for each other aside and allowed Yu's established relationship to continue without interference. However, the two had found it difficult to ignore each other, and has carried on something of a secret pseudo-romance...without ever truly acknowledging that they had been doing such. There was no proper confession from either of them; they were very careful to watch their words. But...for the first time, Naoto had needed to confront a feeling she could describe no other way than _love_. It was an awkward and dangerous love, one she had called an end to far too late, but it was a love nonetheless. She did not regret the decision—particularly not after her recent conversation with Yu earlier in the month—but she did still feel the loss of him in her life.

He had made her comfortable. Comfortable with who she was, who she was not yet, who she could grow to be. He had accepted each facet of her and never expected anything different of her. It was...refreshing, and freeing. Without that impetus in her life, it was quite possible she would have remained stagnant for quite some time, simply continuing to hope the world would change so that she would not have to.

But the world was cruel, and a child cannot remain so forever. She was content with the way she was changing.

However, Yu was still the one who understood what she was trying to say before she had the words to say it. _What is this, Yu? It doesn't feel like how I felt with you, but...I don't recognize it._ Normally, mysteries were everything Naoto wanted in the world. But this one was a mystery wrapped inside an enigma with deflection tying it all up. She didn't have a single lead save for her friends' insistence that Kanji's actions were reflecting the opposite of how he felt, and she didn't trust generic intuition well enough to bank on that.

_But does it truly not mirror his actions?_ This latest incident had brought up a whole new set of evidence fragments to work with. He had gone out in dramatically inclement weather—if she was honest, likely risked his life—in order to check on a classmate he rarely spoke with who lived a significant distance from him. And then brought her back to his house, gave her his own clothing and blanket to warm with, and insisted that he...

Was fine.

Had she not insisted the self-same thing at the estate? Refusing to acknowledge that she was far from fine, unwilling to let him see through to the sobbing child? (Not that her protestations had held back the collapse, but...) _Is he doing the same? Why can I not **read** you, Tatsumi?_

Naoto hissed under her breath, finally giving up and drawing herself to a sitting position. _I need to do something._ Sleep was clearly not going to come, so she needed to find something to occupy her mind with, as a method of distracting it long enough to grow tired and allow her body the rest it required. Attempting to stay as silent as possible, she rose from the futon and made her way to the door she had seen Kanji's mother emerge from. If she could find her way to the front of the building, even if it was still raining, she could stand in front of the building and watch the rain fall. _That may prove enough._

Unfortunately, given her complete lack of knowledge of the construct of the building, she was left with few indications. To her right was a closed door; to her left, a short hallway and the stairs leading into the textile shop, she assumed. Padding down the stairs, she was met not with a portion of the textile shop she recognized, but another room not dissimilar from the one she had started out in. However, instead of a hearth in this room, there was a more common sitting table off to one side and at the far end...

_A piano._

It wasn't much, but it was a true upright piano, the sheen worn off of the black lacquered surface from years of use, the keys chipped in places and worn down in others. _It's beautiful._ She drifted toward it, one hand gliding against the keys, savoring the feel of the smooth ivory. It had been years since she had played a piano. (The incident at Junes did not count. That was a keyboard, and hardly counted as playing.) After the accident, she had simply drifted away from the instrument...

“Do you play?” a soft voice asked from behind her. Her stomach leapt into her throat as she spun, hands groping for a gun that was clearly not holstered to her waist. Kanji's mother covered her mouth with a hand. “I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you.”

“I...no, I apologize. I am the one intruding.”

Tatsumi-san waved a hand, dismissing the concept. “You're not intruding on anything, dear. Having trouble sleeping?”

“Y...yes.” She looked down to the floor. “It has been an...emotional day, and while my body is weary, my mind is far from it.”

“Mm. A feeling I know all too well, as you might see. Kanji-kun worked so hard to get me peace and quiet to sleep, and yet many nights it still runs from me.” She offered Naoto a small smile, then indicated the piano again. “Do you?”

“O-oh, yes I suppose.” Naoto looked back to the piano. “I haven't played consistently in many years, so I'm exceptionally rusty.”

“You can feel free to try, if you remember anything.”

Naoto felt her face flush. “N-no, I couldn't. And with Kanji-kun sleeping upstairs...”

His mother laughed. “Oh, Naoto-kun. My dear Kanji-kun is an incredibly heavy sleeper. I doubt there is anything you could play that would wake him.” Naoto relaxed a little as the woman still smiled at her. “Please, I'd love to hear you. Even if it's something simple. Perhaps that's all these old bones need to drift off to sleep.” She set a hand on Naoto's shoulder, and made for the door on the far side. “I'll just slip into my room while you play. Make yourself at home, Naoto-kun. Don't feel the need to stand on ceremony. As long as you are here, you are as good as family.”

Naoto's face burned brighter, but she nodded again. “Th-thank you, Tatsumi-san. I appreciate the gesture greatly.” The woman nodded in return and left Naoto to the piano. She took a breath. _Do I still remember any of what I played? It has been quite some time._ She adjusted the bench and took a seat, pressing a few keys to see if the instrument was even in tune.

For as neglected as it appeared, it seemed they kept it in good repair. The notes were clear, floating softly through the still air of the sleeping house. She pressed her fingers down into a chord, then slid them up in a scale. _What do I remember..._ She closed her eyes, hoping muscle memory might find her a song.

Slowly, one of Chopin's nocturnes rose up from her memory. She'd learned quite a few of them, pleased by the mixture of the somber quality of the minor key and the lilting melodies they provided. They were fitting songs for the time of night as well, being dubbed 'nocturnes' and all. One flowed into another, and slowly the rattling of anxieties and worries and fears swept out of her mind and body, and all was replaced with music.

When her fingers had run dry, she let the final note hang in the air, a single memory of the moment, a smile resting easily on her lips.

“Beautiful.”

Even with as quiet as the voice had been, Naoto still gave a sharp jolt, barely missing knocking her knee into the piano. “You must have an innate familial trait for sneaking up on people.”

Kanji, for his part, looked mortified. “Sorry.”

Naoto stood, attempting to reclaim what little dignity—and inner calm—she could. “My apologies. Your mother assured me I wouldn't wake you, but it appears that was not the case.”

He shook his head. “Wasn't asleep. You're really good.”

“I...thank you.” Her cheeks burned again. “I am dreadfully out of practice.”

“Couldn't tell. Wait—you played that keyboard with us for Rise-senpai's show.”

The detective scoffed. “That hardly counts as playing. That was an ill-begotten disaster from the beginning, albeit one with a...more successful conclusion than I had feared.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Silence fell over the two, and it was clear Kanji had run out of things to say, but had no clean exit from the conversation.

Naoto attempted to assist. “So...you...have been having difficulty sleeping as well?”

He shrugged. “Sometimes. Get some weird-ass dreams after all the shit we been through.”

“Indeed.” That was something she could relate to intimately. There had been several days of her recovery where sleep had been an extremely scarce resource, for fear of the nightmares of her Shadow. Even knowing that she had come to terms with it, and received her Persona in exchange, it did not lessen the psychological impact.

“Same for you?” Kanji asked, leaning in the doorway.

“Erm...” She fiddled with the sleeves of her shirt. “Occasionally, though it is not the immediate problem tonight. I...simply cannot seem to fall asleep.”

“Anythin' I can do?”

_Help me feel not so dreadfully alone?_ There was no way she could say that. The embarrassment for the both of them would be crippling. “I...well, there...um...” If her face felt any warmer, she would be running a fever. The blonde waited silently, neither rushing nor offering his own advice. _Swallow your pride and say it. He has already carried you through the city, for goodness' sake. Your dignity is well and truly damaged for the time being._ “It is...lonely.”

Kanji blinked, and then turned an interesting shade of pink to match. “Oh. Um, well I can't... I mean, it's...um, well...”

“I-I wasn't insinuating anything,” she hurried to add. “Merely an...observation. It is an unfamiliar house after a trying day, and...it...feels...lonely. On my own.” _Redundant, Shirogane..._

The discomfort here was at least understandable, for once. “N-no, it's...I didn't think...I mean, that's not..really...aaah.” Kanji scratched at the back of his head. “I can...I mean, if you don't...if you're okay with it, I can...uh, move my futon into the living room.” Then, quickly added on, “L-like on the other side of the room. So it's not...y'know. Near you. N-not that I...ugh, never mind. I can move, if...if you want.”

“I...” _Suddenly feel very small again._ Her gaze dropped to the floor, fingers worrying at the sleeves of the shirt again. “Yes. I-if you would. I believe that would help.”

After a beat of silence, Naoto looked up to see Kanji had left. “K-Kanji-kun?” She ducked into the hallway, making her way back to the stairs and into the living space. _Where did he...?_ A moment later, the blonde reemerged, a futon hastily rolled and tucked under his arm, and a blanket—noticeably smaller than the one Naoto had—draped over his shoulder. True to his word, he headed for the furthest point of the room from her and unrolled the futon, pointedly focusing on the task at hand and _not_ on her. After setting it up, he sat down, finally glancing over at her.

“Y...you okay with this? I-I mean, it's not...doesn't feel weird or nothin'?”

She considered, and then shook her head. “N-no, I think this will be quite satisfactory.” A breath's pause, then softer, “Thank you.”

He shrugged, giving a short shake of his head. “S'nothin'.” He shifted so he could lie down, facing away from her, and pulled the blanket up to his shoulders. “Night.”

“Good night, Kanji-kun.” She did much the same, tucking herself back into the massive cocoon the blanket made.

This time, with a solid presence stabilizing the room in easy sight range and Chopin's Nocturne in B-flat minor playing softly in her mind, Naoto finally drifted to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I try to stagger my chapters in all my stories a little, and I'm not always good at balance, but the past few days have been rough, and that's why this one is a little late. I gave myself a challenge, after reading all the dark and gritty fics on here, that I wanted to see if I could write one. And...I did, and it's been a lot more difficult than I expected. I'm not usually one for real violence or so forth; I do the angst much better. But I just finished the challenge fic tonight and I wanted to give you guys something more lighthearted and happy. I like this chapter, and I hope you all do too.
> 
> Like I said before, I'm hoping to have Ch 2 of Lightning up soon!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuses. Sorry this took sooooo long! :(

_It was so cold._

_No matter how tightly she wound herself in the blanket, it felt like nothing would warm her. There was a chill deep in her chest—in her heart, it felt—that all the tea and blankets in the world against which would prove ineffective._

“ _Hey,” that far-too-soft voice came again, and a pressure weighed down on her shoulder through the blankets. “S'wrong?”_

“ _I'm so cold...” She shivered, a tremor through her whole body, catching her voice in her throat._

“ _Lemme see if I can help with that.” A brief chill of cool air as the blanket behind her moved, and she whimpered, trying to shy away from the feeling. But a moment later she felt the blonde slide onto the futon behind her, drawing the blanket tight over their shoulders. With him so close to her, she could already feel her back and legs warming—not to mention the burn across her face._

“ _K-Kanji-kun...”_

“ _Din't I tell you we're friends? Don't gotta be so formal all the time.” His hand rested on her waist and she felt herself give a small gasp. “After all we been through...”_

“ _I...y-yes, I s...” Whatever she was saying derailed as Kanji wrapped his arm around her and tugged her in tight toward him. Now from head to toe she was against him, his chest firm against her back, his knees tucked behind hers, his mouth close enough to her neck that she could feel him breathing. Truth be told, she felt like every sense she had was abnormally heightened; her skin felt electric, charged anywhere they touched. Warmth flooded through her, along with it an odd calm as she cautiously leaned back against Kanji. “Y-you want me to...call you simply by your name?”_

“ _Course. Why wouldn't I?” The words tickled against her neck, and this time when she shivered, it was certainly not for lack of warmth._

“ _I...do suppose...I could try...” His hand was hot, as if it were flush against her skin, and she could envision a mark across her torso, a Kanji-sized hand-print just under her ribcage... A soft, indistinct noise escaped her lips at the thought of it._

“ _Always so tense, Naoto...” Did her name always sound like that? Did he always say it like that, and she simply hadn't noticed? There was too much in his voice, too much unsaid, too much that sounded like it burned his throat to say it. “C'mon. Relax a little. Lemme help ya.” And then his lips pressed to her neck and something happened, something shifted inside her and she was on fire—her hand came up to rest over his and her lungs wouldn't work, everything was warmth and the feeling of his hand, his lips..._

_Her voice was no more than a pleading whisper, for his ears alone, though what she wanted she didn't know. “Kanji...”_

“ _Naoto...”_

With a jolt, Naoto snapped awake, bolt upright in the futon, breathing heavily. She could still hear Kanji's voice in her ears, feel where he had been against her, could feel...

_Well. That was...new._

_What_ had prompted _that_? Neither waking nor sleeping had the thought of being intimate with Kanji ever crossed her mind prior to this. She was fond of him, of course, as she was the rest of the team. But...this was...

A shiver ran through her body, and she wrapped her arms around her torso, trying to push the dream out of her mind. _I have enough confusion about that young man in my head, I certainly do not need this compounding it._ Taking a breath, she chanced a look toward where Kanji had been sleeping the night before.

Much to her relief, there he remained, blanket pulled over his face so that all that was visible was mussed blonde hair. From the slow rise and fall of the blanket, it appeared that he was still asleep. _All for the best._ Hoping to not disturb him, Naoto tried to make her exit from the room as silent as possible. When he still had not stirred as she slid the door shut, she exhaled as she made her way to the bathroom.

_There remains the issue of clothing. What I came dressed in is hardly suitable for wearing in public, and I cannot remain in Kanji-kun's clothing. After all, they are not especially different from my own._ She let the cool water run into her hands, then brought it up to her face. Her face still felt warm against her hands. _What in the world..._ _What is wrong with me?_ Nothing disconcerted her this much. She hadn't felt this shaken during—or after—her abduction. _Perhaps it's simply a combination of events? The storm in conjunction with the power outage, and Grampa's illness in addition? Yes, I must be more susceptible to emotional states. But...that does not explain the content of the dream. Of all the things..._

She brought more water up to her face. _Put it from your mind. It was only a dream, nothing more. You know as well as any that the subconscious can do strange and erratic things. There is nothing to read into this._ Deciding that she was as composed as possible, she slipped back into the living area—where Kanji had not moved from his previous position—and made her way back down into the rest of the house.

Now in the daylight, she could see the kitchen off to her right and Kanji's mother moving back and forth in there. As she stepped in, the woman gave her a smile. “Good morning, Naoto-kun. Did you sleep well?”

_That is a very...difficult question._ “Yes, thank you. It seems the distraction of the music allowed my mind to calm. I very much appreciate the opportunity to play. I hope you managed to sleep as well?”

“Oh yes, it was quite soothing. It's been such a long time since anyone's played that. I try to keep it in tune, though I don't know why anymore. I'm glad you found some solace in it.” She indicated the Western table and chairs. “Please, take a seat. No need to stand around. Can I get you anything? Coffee, tea?”

“If it's no trouble, a cup of coffee would be wonderful, thank you.” Tatsumi-san nodded. “Do you open the shop on Sundays?”

“Not if I can help it. If I know a frequent customer is coming, then I can open it for them, but more often than not I take this as my day of rest. Women of my age need one, I believe.”

“Mm. Anyone of any age, I would argue.”

“A fair point, dear. Cream or sugar?”

“Just cream, thank you.” Naoto took the mug as it was offered. “I very much appreciate your hospitality, Tatsumi-san. I know that my presence came somewhat as a surprise.”

The woman shook her head, joining Naoto at the table. “It's no trouble at all, dear. It's...” She took a breath, frowning at her cup of tea. “I'm simply pleased to see that some of the other students Kanji was friendly with last year still come around. I know he can be...difficult to get to know.”

Naoto breathed out a chuckle. “I hardly think he's the only one.”

There was a beat of silence, and then Kanji's mother gasped. “Oh, I've entirely forgotten. About an hour ago, there was a call for you. A gentleman named... Yakushiji?”

Naoto felt her heart sink. “I...yes, I know him.” Then a click. “How...how did he know to find me here?”

“That he didn't specify, but he did ask that when you woke, you returned his call. I've left the number next to the telephone, if you'd like to do that.” She indicated the far side of the room.

Naoto nodded, numbly standing and making her way to the phone. _Yakushiji-san...please, let it be good news._ The number on the paper was her home telephone. _So he has returned to the estate. This leaves three reasonable options. One, Grampa will be in the hospital for an extended time, and has insisted that Yakushiji-san return to the estate for my benefit. Two, the incident was significantly more minor than we all expected, and they have both returned home, and he merely wishes to pass the news to me directly. Three..._

She wasn't ready to consider option three.

Naoto picked up the phone, dialing her number and bringing the phone to her ear.

_Ring-ring...ring-ring...ring-ri—_

“Good morning, Shirogane residence.” Yakushiji's voice was calm. _Of course it is. You expected otherwise?_

Maybe she could keep her voice as even. “Good morning, Yakushiji-san. This is Naoto. I received your message from Tatsumi-san.”

“Ah, Naoto-sama. The estate was in some...disarray when I returned early this morning. Needless to say, I was concerned for your safety.”

_Yes, I imagine it was. Who knows what he must have thought._ “I...apologize. I had not intended to leave, particularly in the rushed fashion in which I did.”

“A call to the precinct house indicated that one of your classmates had called in search of this number the night before, and thus it seemed the most reasonable place to start. I trust that you are well? I can imagine last night was difficult.”

Naoto swallowed. “Yes, I...” If she told the truth, it was certain that Yakushiji-san would be more concerned than was necessary. The situation sounded more dramatic than it was. ...She thought so, at least. “Kanji-kun had seen the article in last night's evening paper regarding Grampa, and had called out of concern. It seemed logical to stay somewhere supervised for the evening, and so I arranged with the Tatsumis to stay with them for the evening. My concerns were simply strengthened when the power went out, and so Kanji-kun and I left quickly, in an attempt to avoid as much of the storm as possible.

She had absolutely no idea how much of that Yakushiji-san would believe. He knew her troubles with storms, and as such, would know that the level of calm logic she had just detailed would have been increasingly difficult. However, it was also possible that knowing that, he would allow her the dignity of her tale.

“Very well,” was the only response. Naoto let out a sigh. “Shall you be returning to the estate today?”

“I...intend to, yes. I may be...detained for a time, as I did not leave with much on my person.”

Naoto could almost hear Yakushiji-san translating her sentence in his head. She disliked having to speak in half-code, but she also knew that Tatsumi-san was within earshot, and while the woman was nothing but kind to her, she did not need quite that level of openness with her. “Ah. Of course. Do you require me to come into town for you?”

“No no, I'm sure I will manage.” She paused, hesitating to ask. “Yakushiji-san...how is Grampa?”

The silence on the other end of the line lasted far too long. “Perhaps that is a conversation we ought not to have over the telephone.”

One hand gripped the phone as the other braced against the counter nearby, hoping to keep her upright as her knees threatened to give. “An indication...?”

Another pause, and Naoto could feel her throat clench. “He...has not woken yet.”

Her eyes closed. “Should I go to him?”

“He is not allowed visitors.”

She forced a breath. “And the prognosis?”

Another pause. “They are still unsure.” It was clear from Yakushiji-san's voice that he was as unhappy about that as Naoto felt. “I can relay more once you return to the estate.”

“Yes, of course. Thank you, Yakushiji-san. I should return prior to dinner.”

“I will await your arrival.”

The line went dead in her hand, but it took her a moment to return the phone to its receiver. _Unknown prognosis, unresponsive... Why must I relive Nanako-chan's illness at every turn? What have I missed this time? What have I done wrong?_ There had to be something; there was always something.

...There _had_ to be something.

“Naoto-kun?” She jolted, looking back toward Kanji's mother, who was watching Naoto carefully. “Is everything alright?”

“Y-yes.” She made her way back to the table, wrapping her hands around the coffee mug. “Yakushiji-san is the secretary for the Shirogane family. He had returned to the estate and found me missing, and as such, was calling to locate me and inform me as to my grandfather's condition.”

“I hope that he is well.” The sentence gave Naoto the option to simply not divulge any personal information, or to share as she saw fit. The gesture was immensely appreciated.

“The doctors are still running tests. Yakushiji-san did not wish to share many details over the phone, so I will be returning to the estate this afternoon.” She took a long sip of her coffee, then glanced down at the shirt she was wearing. “I may have to impose on you for something to wear, however. Neither the clothes I came in nor these are...truly appropriate apparel to wear in public.”

“Of course.” The woman nodded, standing. “Will you stand for me? I can estimate your measurements and see what I have that might fit.” Naoto nodded back and stood, letting Tatsumi-san give her a look, barely brushing her fingers over her arms and sides. “Thank you. I shouldn't be long. Feel free to stay up here; I doubt Kanji-kun will be awake yet, so you should have a few moments to yourself.”

“Thank you.” The woman left and Naoto gripped her mug. _Inconclusive. Unknown prognosis. Unresponsive._ While she understood intellectually why Yakushiji-san was reluctant to release information to her over the phone, it was still worrying that there was more to be said. _If the news is worse...do I want to hear it?_ Of course she did. Even if the news was the worst possible, she could not be expected to devise a reaction out of anything than the most informed position available.

_Make a plan. Determine what your day will look like from here._ She'd borrow clothing from Tatsumi-san—or purchase it from her, depending—and change. Then obtain her clothing from yesterday, thank her hosts, and make her way back to the estate. She could sort out what information she had on the walk back.

Then perhaps by the time she got there, she would be able to keep her composure.

_As long as you ignore whatever that dream was._ She closed her eyes, willing even the thought of the memory away. _I do not have the time to attempt to discern that. Not in any regard. Though it is clear I will have to confront that eventually. It is far from my nature to leave any mystery unsolved, even one as...disconcerting as that._ Sighing, she lifted the mug to her lips and focused on her coffee. That was something that didn't require much thought.

Several moments later, she heard footsteps on the stairs and opened her eyes, looking over her shoulder. Kanji's mother made her way back to the kitchen, holding out a small stack of clothing. “These are only an estimate, but I believe they'll fit you. If they're too big, just let me know and I can take them in quickly enough. I doubt they'll be too small; you're a slender one.”

Naoto stood and took the clothes, giving Tatsumi-san a short bow. “Thank you.”

She nodded, gesturing down the stairs. “There's a changing area just off the room with the piano, if you'd like to change down there.”

“Again, thank you.” Naoto took the clothes and followed Tatsumi-san's directions, finding the indicated room with ease. A mannequin sat in one corner, a man's button-down shirt half constructed on it. Bolts of fabric leaned against any surface they could and shelves of the same lined the walls. A privacy screen stood in one corner, and Naoto edged behind it, finding a small bench built against the wall. Setting the clothes Tatsumi-san had given her on the bench, she slid out of the clothes she was wearing and set them on the bench as well.

_Why did I need to be out of my binder when I got home? Why wasn't I wearing anything in its place? Ugh, this is so inconvenient._ Sleeping without any kind of support was one thing. Walking from Tatsumi Textiles to the Shirogane estate was another. _Maybe I should have taken Yakushiji-san up on his offer to come and fetch me._ Picking up the piece of clothing on top, she paused, seeing a certain useful undergarment tucked between shirt and pants. _Or perhaps Tatsumi-san is better with taking measurements by eye than I would have given her credit for._ It felt odd to be taking such a garment on a probable temporary basis, but if it fit... She picked it up, fastened the band behind her, and pulled the straps over her shoulders. _This...surprisingly, will suffice._ It was simple, gray with no frills, much like most of the ones she owned—though to be fair, she didn't own many.

Turning her attention back to the other pieces of clothing, she picked up the white one on top and let it unfold. At first, Naoto thought it was a button-down like the one she'd worn when she arrived, but noticed that this more closely resembled a vest. It was collared and buttoned like a dress shirt, but lacked the sleeves. _Interesting._ She slipped it over her shoulders and buttoned it up, finding much like the first piece, it fit her quite nicely. _She truly has a gift for this._ The last piece were a pair of dark blue slacks, not dissimilar from her usual apparel. Naoto smiled as she put them on. _She must have tried to find something she felt was something I would be comfortable with. How did she possibly have all this simply sitting around?_ The pants would be perfect with a belt, but she would be perfectly comfortable without for the walk back.

Satisfied with the fit, she picked up the clothing she'd changed out of and headed back upstairs to Tatsumi-san. Hearing her footsteps on the stair, the woman turned as she came up, and on seeing her gave her a wide smile. “Oh good, they did fit you.”

Naoto offered a small smile in return. “Yes, almost perfectly. You truly have a gift for estimating measurements. Perhaps unnervingly good.”

Kanji's mother laughed. “After you'd done something for as long as I have, Naoto-kun, you learn to see measurements written on everyone's face. Do you like the style? I know you dress conservatively, at least when I've seen you, so I had to do my best.”

“Yes, these are fine. In fact, I would be willing to purchase them from you, as a gesture of thanks for all you've done for me over the past day. I don't have any money on me now of course, but...” Before she could finish, Tatsumi-san stopped her.

“Don't worry about payment, dear. They fit you so nicely, I'd just like to see them go to a home where they might be worn a few times. And, before I forget, there's a spare pair of shoes at the back door you're welcome to. They're a pair of mine, but I hardly wear them. I did notice you didn't come in with any. You can return them later if you want, but either way.”

Naoto's eyebrows raised. “But this is your livelihood. I couldn't...”

She shook her head again. “Naoto-kun, I have had more than a few pieces of clothing never be picked up, or turn out not to the customer's liking, or be too small, or any number of things. Only so many of them sell with any speed. Everything you are wearing has been in a back room for far too long. Please.” She smiled. “Putting you up for an evening was hardly an inconvenience. Consider the clothes a gift for all you've done for my Kanji.”

Naoto blinked, too many times too fast, and felt her face flush. “I-I beg your pardon?”

“Well, all of you I suppose, but between you and that Narukami boy, I've seen the most tremendous change in my son. He's been such a guarded young man since his father died, and with those walls he built around himself...he hasn't been very good at making friends.”

_Look, I really suck at making friends too. But who gives a shit!?_ A flash of Kanji, bruised and dirty, standing defiant in front of her Shadow. She swallowed. “I suppose that would make it difficult.”

“But even with everything that happened last year, he still managed to make such strong friendships with you and Narukami-kun and the others. He still talks about you.” She smiled. “I haven't seen Kanji this happy in such a long time, and I just want to thank you for being there for him. I don't know what you all did, but it's bringing the son I remember back to me, piece by piece.”

Naoto's face burned brighter, but she managed a nod. “I-I have always had Kanji-kun's best interests at heart. His support over the past year was invaluable, and we are all as much in his debt as he may be to us.”

Tatsumi-san gave her another serene smile, and then took the clothes out of Naoto's hands. “Here, I'll take these, and go fetch your clothes from last night. They'll be dry by now. I'll get you something to carry them home in. Can I convince you to stay for breakfast, or are you eager to get home?”

_Eager? I'm not sure I'd use that word..._ “Thank you so much for the offer, but I really ought to be getting back to the estate. I don't want to worry Yakushiji-san.”

“I understand. I'll go get those now. Do you want to see if Kanji's woken up yet, so you can tell him you're leaving?”

“A-ah, yes, I should do that.” The woman walked off down the stairs, and Naoto walked back to the upstairs living space, taking a deep breath before slowly opening the door.

As far as she could see, Kanji still hadn't moved since the last time she'd seen him. The blanket had fallen just a bit, so she could see a portion of his face—eyes closed, dark shadows under them, an almost pained expression on his face. She swallowed, ignoring the twist in her chest that she couldn't explain. “Kanji-kun?” she said softly from the door, checking for any response. None. Sighing, she stepped forward, kneeling down near him, tentatively reaching out a hand to set it on where his arm had to be under the blanket. “Kanji-kun?”

“Mm.” He stirred, turning to lie on his back rather than facing away from her, but his eyes didn't open. She brought her hand back to rest on her knee.

“Kanji-kun. I need to head back to the estate. I'll be leaving soon.”

“Nngh.” This time, his expression shifted as he lifted a hand to rub at his face. Opening one eye, he peered over at her, then covered his face again. “'kay.”

“I wanted to thank you for everything you've done over the past twenty-four hours. I...well, it would have been a very unpleasant night had you not come.”

“No probl'm.” He lowered his hand but kept his eyes closed, and Naoto noticed (again?) how pale he looked. Taking a chance—since this hadn't gone over well the last time she'd tried—she reached out and set the backs of her fingers against his forehead. His eyes shot open, but—perhaps for lack of room—he didn't pull back. She didn't need to feel the difference between the two of them to know he felt too warm. “What're you doing?”

“You're running an impressive fever. I knew all that time in the rain was going to make you sick.” She stood, walking over to where she'd slept and grabbing the blanket he'd given her, bringing it back toward him. “Here.”

“You don't...what...” Kanji made to sit up, but she put one firm hand on his shoulder and pushed him back down. Not to her surprise, he didn't put up much of a fight.

“You need to lie back down and rest.” Naoto sighed. “I should have been more insistent last night. It's my fault you're sick.” She threw the blanket over Kanji the best she could, then walked around him to straighten out the edges.

“S'not your fault I ran out'n the rain.”

“Oh really? And you make it a habit to go running for miles at a time in thunderstorms, hm? I find that unlikely.” Once the blanket was straightened to her satisfaction, she came back to kneel near Kanji's head, frowning. “Is there anything I can do?”

He shook his head, eyes closed again. “M'fine.”

“That's what I told you.” She saw him go still under the blanket. “If there is _anything_ , Kanji-kun...”

He shook his head again, this time opening his eyes to look back at her. “S'just a cold if anythin', Naoto. I'll sleep it off t'day an' be fine f'r school tomorrow. You gotta go back home an' check up on your gramps. Don' worry 'bout me. Jus' let me know how he is when you get there, an' lemme know if I c'n do anything, okay?”

“The best thing you can do right now is rest, and feel better. I will continue to feel guilty for making you sick until you do such.” Kanji rolled his eyes, and Naoto couldn't hide the small smile that crept onto her lips. “Do rest please, Kanji-kun. I'll message you when I arrive at home.”

“I will. An' thanks.” He tugged the edge of the blanket back up to cover most of his face and closed his eyes.

Naoto hesitated a moment, watching Kanji. _Is there truly nothing I can do to help...?_ But Kanji was likely right; it would make the most sense that he had a cold, and if that was true there was little she could do other than act as nursemaid, and that would likely make both of them uncomfortable. He shivered and tucked the blanket closer to him.

_So cold..._

She jolted, pushing herself to her feet as a rush of heat pushed its way through her body. _Absolutely not. Get home, Shirogane._ Swallowing hard, she made her way out of the room—only to find Tatsumi-san waiting for her. “Ah, there you are. Is everything alright?”

“Ah—yes. I'm fine, thank you. I believe Kanji-kun is running a fever, so I've insisted he rest. I apologize for getting him sick.”

Tatsumi-san just laughed. “Kanji got himself sick, dear. Just because he did it for you doesn't make it your fault.” She offered Naoto a bag. “Your clothes, and your raincoat. It's all dry and folded. You're sure you'll be alright walking home?”

“Yes, I'm certain. Thank you again for everything, Tatsumi-san.” She bowed and Kanji's mother smiled, and she made her way out of the shop and into the shopping district.

_Take a breath, and collect yourself. You need to be at your best by the time you get back to the estate._ Pushing the remnants of the memory of the dream from her mind, she clutched the handle of the bag and started walking.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Naoto sat in a chair in her grandfather's study, knees tucked up against her chest, arms wrapped around them. Yakushiji sat to her left, hand folded, watching carefully as the detective tried to parse everything he'd relayed to her.

“So...in short, we truly know nothing.” Naoto looked over at him.

“We know that it was very sudden, and resulted in loss of consciousness. They are scheduling him for several tests, at least one of which was scheduled for this morning. They did see bleeding in the brain, but at the time that I left it was inconclusive if that was the cause of the collapse, or a result thereof when he struck the floor.”

Naoto swallowed hard. “And they don't know when he'll regain consciousness.”

“No, there is no current prognosis for that.” The secretary shifted, uncomfortable in the seat. “For the time being, I have allowed most of the staff to be considered on leave, as it is only the two of us in the building. If you would prefer to stay with one of your friends...”

Naoto didn't let him finish. “I don't want to think about that right now.” Yakushiji nodded. “There was no indication of this? Nothing signifying that there had been any trouble?”

He shook his head. “No, Naoto-sama. I was with him when it happened. In one instant, he was talking with me, and the next he had collapsed. I wish I had more definitive news for you, but unfortunately we are still in a bit of a waiting game.” He paused. “I know that there was a storm last night. You're sure you're fine?”

“As well as I can be given the circumstances, Yakushiji-san.” She stood abruptly, arms wrapped around her waist. “I'm going to rest in my room. I'd appreciate being left alone.”

The secretary nodded. “Will you be wanting lunch?”

“I can fix it myself if I am hungry. Thank you.” Without waiting for anything further, Naoto walked out of the library and headed for her own room. As soon as the door had closed, she could feel the tears threatening to fall again. _Please...I'm so tired of crying._ Shaking her head, she moved to her school bag, looking for where her phone could have gone. _Kanji-kun said I wasn't answering it. It must have died in my bag._ But looking through the bag, there was no sign of it. _Did I...?_ She couldn't focus, couldn't remember what she'd done the day before. She stood up, eyes scanning the room but barely seeing. _I don't know._ It took her a few moments before she finally saw it, sitting next to her futon, plugged in to charge. _Oh._

She sat down on the futon, picking up the phone. _Not dead. Turned off. I see._ She turned on the phone, waiting for the inevitable onslaught of messages. If nothing else, there would be the missed call or calls from Kanji, wondering why she wasn't answering her phone.

Once the phone was on and had stopped chiming, she looked at the notifications—and her eyes widened. Nine messages and three missed calls. _That is...more than I expected._ She opened the messages to see who had sent anything.

The answer seemed to be, nearly everyone in the investigation team.

From Chie: _hey i just saw the paper. u ok? call if u need anything..._

From Yukiko: _Naoto, I just read in the paper. I'm so sorry about your gra_ _nd_ _pa._

_If there is anything I can do, please let me know. The Inn is open to you._

From Yosuke: _HEY saw the papr. U ok? can i help? txt me if u need nething_

From Yu: _Yosuke just_ _messaged_ _me about your grandfather. You know where I am if you need me._

And then interspersed in between them all, the messages from Kanji:

_Hey Naoto, I just saw the paper. Are you ok?_

_(1 missed call)_

_Just tried calling, but didn't get an answer. Let me know if you're ok. Don't know if you're there or not._

_(1 missed call)_

_dammit Naoto pick up your phone_

_(1 missed call)_

_shit I'm gonna find your house # then_

Now the tears were falling. Kanji had taken such offense when she'd questioned if she was truly friends with the team, and all the while the evidence for it was sitting on her phone. The only person who hadn't contacted her (save for Teddie, though that didn't surprise her) was the idol on tour, who would be busy and not necessarily see the evening paper for Inaba. _Perhaps I shouldn't have doubted._

A flicker of a memory passed through her mind, one she'd pushed away for the occasion: three students, standing in the cold beginning of an April evening, watching the names on pillars of stone. It had been Kanji's idea for the three of them to all go together—him, herself, and Naoki Konishi—to pay respects to their lost loved ones. They hadn't died at similar times, or for remotely similar reasons, but it had given her someone else to lean on as she visited the graves of her parents on the day they'd died. _Why hadn't Kanji used that as evidence against me?_ Because his mind didn't work that way, likely. Additionally, knowing Kanji, he would have rather shot himself in the head than bring up something that painful in front of her. He simply didn't seem the type. _I'm such a fool._

Tucking her knees up to her chin again, she selected all the names except for Kanji and Yu, and sent out a group message.

_AM FINE. SRY 2 WORRY. HOME NOW. WILL TALK L8R._

Then to Kanji:

_HOME SAFE. DRS NOT SURE. HOPE U R RESTING._

And finally to Yu:

_U FREE?_

A moment later, the Detective Loveline theme started playing from her phone: her ringtone for Yu, ever since she'd run across Nanako searching for him in the show's heroine's outfit. She'd never mentioned it to him; she wasn't sure he'd appreciate the reference. She accepted the call, sniffing as she tried to stop the tears. “I suppose it's my turn to not trust my voice.”

“I think I can manage. What happened? Are you alright?”

She should have known better. Yu's impossibly calm and concerned voice just made the sobs come harder, and she had to fight to get the words out between hiccups. “I...I don't know. Grampa's in the h-hospital and n-no one knows what's w-wrong and the d-doctors are still just trying to d-do tests. He's unconscious a-and unresponsive and it's l-like watching Nanako-chan all o-over again and all I c-can do is watch and w-wait and I know the l-longer he stays unconscious the m-more brain damage could o-occur and I just d-don't know what to do. And there w-was a huge s-storm last night and I h-hate storms because my p-parents died in a thunderstorm and the p-power went out and I c-can't deal with all of this.” Her voice finally broke and she sobbed into her knees.

After she'd caught her breath a bit, Yu started talking again. “Then we deal with it one step at a time. We can't change the storm, right? It's over and done, and maybe Inaba won't get another for a while. Right?”

“Y-yes.”

“And if this really is like Nanako's case, then you know there is nothing you can do, and making yourself panic and fall apart about it isn't going to help. Right?”

“B-but...”

“Naoto. Nanako got a miracle. Pray for one for your grandfather too.”

She sniffed. “I'm n-not really one to put f-faith in miracles.”

“You don't need to. Just go to the shrine when you can and ask. It's all you can do. When your grandfather wakes up, he'll need you calm and collected to help him, right?”

“R-right.”

“Then you can start now. Take a deep breath.” She tried to do as he asked. “Let it go.” She exhaled, coughing on it. “Close enough. So. What happened last night? Did you have to stay in the estate on your own? Where was Yakushiji-san?”

“W-with Grampa. And n-no, I...” She swallowed. “Kanji-kun came and got me.”

There was a pause. “Kanji? Didn't you say it was storming? Or was this after the storm died down?”

“No, it was storming. H-he tried to call my cell phone, but it was off so I didn't answer and I guess he found my house phone from your uncle and he called there, but then the power went off and... I don't know, I suppose he decided to come to the estate personally.”

Another pause. “...Through a thunderstorm. From the textile shop to the estate.”

“Yu...”

“Then what happened?”

Naoto coughed out a mirthless laugh. “I had a nervous breakdown and he brought me back to the shop.”

“...how?”

“He carried me.” She could feel her face burn. “Not exactly my most dignified moment.”

“Through the thunderstorm.”

“He's fallen ill. I feel terrible about it.”

There was a longer pause this time, and she could hear Yu switch the phone to his other hand. “I know this isn't likely what you want to hear, Naoto, but I'm fairly certain this is evidence even you can't dispute about what we've all been saying about Kanji.”

She sighed. “I told you I'd ask to talk to you about this later. Apparently now is that later.” One hand came up to cover her eyes, rubbing at the bridge of her nose. “Setting emotions that are not mine aside for the time being.”

“Naoto.”

“I'm serious, and I have a legitimate reasoning. Hear me out.” Yu muttered something Naoto was willing to take as an affirmative. “I am in no position to parse out Kanji Tatsumi's mind, in regard to myself or anyone else. What I can do is attempt to understand my own, no matter how difficult it decides to make that for me.”  
  
“Okay, okay. So. Last time I asked you about Kanji, you said you didn't know what to say, because it was complicated. What's changed now?”

“I...” She paused, trying to find the words. “I have never... You know as well as any that matters of the heart are not something I...actively seek out. They are inconsistent, troublesome, and as far from rational as a matter can be. Before...” She swallowed. “Before last year, I had not considered anyone I knew in a romantic manner. It was not something I wanted, nor something I understood in others. Particularly while living under a male guise, it was impractical to consider anyone's affections as honest, as they did not know who I truly was.”

“Yes.”

“But...” Her voice caught, and she coughed. “As knowledge of my true sex has spread, it is no longer reasonable to use that excuse. And after...last year, and meeting all of you, I am learning to come to terms with all the facets I have...whether I like them or not.”

“You are very neatly avoiding my question, Detective Shirogane.” Despite the words, she could almost hear Yu fighting back a smile.

“I don't under _stand_ , Yu.” She sighed, letting her hand fall to her side again. “He ran easily two miles if not further in a torrential downpour, not knowing what he would find when he arrived. Then, ran the same two miles back _carrying another person_. He gave me the blanket from his futon in his room, opting for a smaller one for himself just so that I could keep warm. Moved to sleep on the opposite end of the living space from me, rather than in his own room, so that I wouldn't feel alone in the house. He's caught a cold and is running a fever all because he did all this—and somehow, he did it for me, a person who has barely acknowledged him in the past two months, and did little more in the year prior.”

Now Yu was definitely smiling. “I thought we weren't analyzing Kanji.”

“It _hurts._ ” She rolled onto her side, curling up again. “My grandfather is in the hospital from a potentially fatal incident, and I _didn't want to leave._ I felt sick, knowing that he had fallen ill because of me. I still don't know why I haven't gone back, other than I don't want to disrupt his rest. It gets harder to breathe around him and I don't know why. I have the smell of sandalwood stuck in the back of my mind because something on his blanket smelled like that and I can't figure out why or what. It's like having the most fascinating case of my life standing right in front of me and I don't...know how to start working it.” She paused, and Yu didn't say anything. “I had a dream last night.”

“Do you not usually dream?”

“Not like this.” Just bringing it up made the feeling come back, the memory of a body pressed against her back, a hand on her stomach, and on her neck... She groaned, trying to ignore her brain. “I can't even think about it. I relive it over and over.”

“Is this...not a dream you can tell me about?”

Naoto considered that. If she was ever going to tell anyone, it would be Yu. He was the only person she knew who would take it (at least partially) as objectively as she'd like. But... telling _anyone_ , particularly Yu, felt intensely awkward. “It...ah. It was...intimate.”

“...um.”

“N-not sexual,” she added in a rush. “Just... I must have been cold, and it translated into my dream, and so Kanji—i-in the dream, Kanji-kun came over and o-offered to help. K-keep me warm.”

Yu didn't say anything for a moment, then she heard him cough softly in the background. “Naoto, I think you're one of the only people I know who would consider a dream about cuddling to be intimate.”

“Yu—!”

“I'm just saying.”

“He...” She could feel her face burning. “He did kiss my neck.”

“In the dream.”

“Y-yes.”

“And that's it.”

“Yes, at that point I woke up. Kanji-kun was still asleep on the far side of the room.” There was a long pause, and while most of the silences between her and Yu were comfortable, this one felt tense to Naoto. “This...” She sighed. “This doesn't feel like before. Like last year.”

“Last year had a lot of other circumstances weighing on it, not the least of which being that it wasn't ever going to be permanent and you knew it.” Yu's voice was low, a rough tone in it that he often got when they talked about what they'd covertly been through the previous year. “And it was in the middle of most of your personal upheaval, dealing with the case and Nanako and being outed as a girl and all. You had a lot more on your mind then than you do now.”

“I don't know what it is.” She was almost whispering. “I don't know what to do about it.”

“You could try talking to him about it.”

The laugh that broke out of her surprised even her. “Don't be ridiculous. Kanji-kun and I can barely hold a conversation about the weather, let alone something like this.”

“Naoto, you have a limited set of options here. One, is ignore anything you might feel and continue on with life and never find out what it is, and know somewhere in the back of your highly intelligent brain that it's quite possible that Kanji's going through the same thing as you. Two, is be up front with him and tell him what you may be feeling, and let the chips fall as they may.”

Naoto swallowed. “I'm not fond of either option.”

“Then option number three is to just spend more time with him. Have lunch together at school. Go see a movie in Okina. Get coffee somewhere. Ask him to teach you to knit, I don't know. See if the feeling goes anywhere, changes, anything. Just see what happens. Call it investigating, if it helps. This doesn't need to start with a full-blown confession of love, Naoto. Just try to be his friend, and see what happens.” Yu breathed out softly. “If nothing else, you know he cares about you, one way or another. I'm not even sure I would have run through a thunderstorm for you.”

“Oh, thank you so very much, Narukami-kun.” Despite herself, she was smiling, but she sighed and let it slowly fade. “What do you think of all this?”

“Hm? Are we analyzing Kanji now?”

“I'm asking for your opinion, Yu. I'm certain you know him better than I do.”

Yu took in a deep breath, then sighed it out. “I think you confuse the hell out of Kanji. I think he wants to be friends with you, but has no clue how to get close to you because you're so reserved and he still worries about rejection. And I think the fact that he finds you attractive makes all of that exponentially harder.”

“H-he has never said a-anything—”

“Do you remember the beauty pageant?”

“I truly wish I didn't.”

“Do you remember Kanji insisting that you enter?”

Naoto's mind flashed back to an afternoon on the roof at school, watching an incredibly red-faced Kanji—who would not if his life depended on it, look at her—muttering. _Um... I beg you, please be in it. If you do, my, uh, doubts will finally be cleared... C'mon! Make me a man!_ It had been utter nonsense at the time. But now... “Doubts. He wanted me to be in the pageant to clear up doubts he had.”

“Like you said last month. You confuse people's sexualities.” Naoto groaned, her face burning, and she could hear Yu laughing. “I'm being serious! I was there with him. And though I think we were all sad you didn't come out in a bathing suit, I do remember him commenting on your bravery for going through with the first half at all.”

 _Oh c'mon, Naoto. You're...really smart, an'...an' brave an' shit. You got this whole detective thing down an' you're my age._ She could hear Kanji's words from the night before in the back of her mind. “He called me intimidating,” she murmured.

“And he's right. You're confident, you're smart, and you're incredibly self-assured. At least, that's what you show others. And yes, that's very intimidating. When everyone else is just as lost on the inside as you, they don't know what to do around someone who doesn't ever look lost. So they're afraid of the person, because humans fear what they can't understand.” Naoto didn't respond, and she heard Yu make an indistinct noise after a moment. “Make him some miso.”

Several blinks, rapidfire. “W-what?”

“You said you felt bad that Kanji got sick after running through the rain to get you. Make some miso or udon or something. That's always good for sick people, particularly if he does have a cold.”

Naoto opened her mouth to respond but found no words. Closed, open again. “I've never made either of those.”

“Thousand yen says you can find a recipe online in about four seconds. I think—what?” His sentence was cut off by a sharp yelp from the detective as her phone buzzed in her hand.

“Sorry,” Naoto replied. “My phone...vibrated. I probably received a message in return from one of the others. I had several messages waiting for me when I came home.”

Yu chuckled on the other side of the phone. “I bet that was more than a little disconcerting.”

“That's one word for it. Hold on.” She pulled the phone back and brought up the message, looking to see who it was from. Her fingers paused, seeing the name: _Kanji._ Taking a deep breath, she opened it.

_That sucks about the doctors. I've been sleeping off and on. I'm tired but not sleepy, if that makes sense? Mainly just bored. Too cold and lazy to get up. You ok?_

“Who's it from?” she could hear Yu asking, trying to be loud enough to be heard while she held the phone away from her ear.

“Kanji-kun.” She tapped back a quick response. _NRML REACTION RE SLEEP/TIRED. AM FINE. RESTLESS._ Sending the message, Naoto hesitated for a moment...and then sent a follow-up. _U NEED/WANT NETHING? UDON, ETC? AM GOING 2 SHRINE L8R._ Then bringing the phone back to her ear, she could respond to Yu, her tone dry. “I hope you're quite proud. I asked if he wanted anything.”

“It's a step.” He was smiling again. “Do you want me to let you go, in case he texts you desperate for homemade Shirogane cooking and you have to rush off to comply?”

“I hate you.” As Yu laughed, she could only smile, though she felt her face burning. “Not...not until he actually responds. If he does.” She groaned, rubbing her eyes. “How do people manage this? There is absolutely nothing predictable or solid about the entire situation. It's guesswork and wishful thinking.”

“It's faith. And it's hard, yeah. But when it works? It's worth it.”

“Has it been worth it for you yet?” She'd been very respectful, not pushing too much into his current romantic endeavor—though it had been her to get him to admit that it was there in the first place—but curiosity was winning out.

“Uh-uh, you're not getting me off track that easily. Today is about you and everyone's favorite delinquent. Besides, there hasn't been much time for anything to happen yet. You know how hectic Golden Week ended up being.”

That she did. Yu had bounced around to everyone's house for at least a little while—Yosuke tagging along for many of the visits, though he almost never stayed the night—and thus hadn't really had much quality time with any of them. The one exception had been when the two boys had stayed at the estate with her. Likely in hopes of rekindling something of her youthful exuberance, her grampa had encouraged them all to have as much of a classic slumber party as they could—as long as the boys slept in a separate room from Naoto, of course. With a half-hidden smile, Naoto had agreed to the terms.

After all, she knew full well who Yu would have wanted to spend the night with anyway.

“I suppose. I do expect you'll let me know once something is said, yes?”

“Same to you.” As if on cue, the phone vibrated again, and Naoto flinched. “What...oh, was that your phone buzzing? Wow, that's a really weird sound.”

“Yes, it was.” She pulled the phone back again to check the message.

 _U_ _h..._ _I_ _mean,_ _yo_ _u were just down here._ _B_ _ut_ _since you really seem to want to do something,_ _I'l_ _l be here, so..._ _it'_ _s up to you,_ _I guess_ _._

How very Kanji. She idly wondered how many tries it took for him to write it, knowing his penchant for starting sentences and then never finishing them.

_NO TROUBLE. WILL TXT FRM SHRINE. DINNER OK? Y/N_

That would give her more than enough time. She sent the message and brought the phone back to her ear. “In classic fashion, I received a complete non-answer. Essentially, he's said that I've just been there and thus a second trip seems out of the way, but as I mentioned I was headed to the shrine, it seems reasonable enough. As such, if I wish to drop by, he assures me he'll be there, so the choice is mine.”

“Except I'm guessing he used half the words.”

“Text messaging is no place to be hung up on proper sentences. It's a method for transmitting messages quickly and succinctly. As long as the other party understands what you mean, then the task is accomplished.”

“Mm. Well, I'm going to leave you to your planning, then. I have a few more things to accomplish before figuring out what I'm eating for lunch.” His tone grew serious. “If you need anything, Naoto... You know you can call any of us, right? I'm more limited in what I can do, but I'll do all I can.”

“I know you will. And I know I can contact any of you. Thank you.” She smiled softly. “I do think I forget sometimes, but I shall keep the memory of all those messages waiting for me as a reminder that I am not as alone as it seems sometimes.”

“That's all you can do. Even when you feel like you've lost everything, you will never again be abandoned or alone.” She could almost hear someone else in Yu's voice, as if he was relaying something he'd heard from someone else.

“Thank you, Yu. I'll let you get back to your day. Thank you for speaking with me.”

“Any time, Naoto. Take care.”  
  
“You as well.” She ended the call, only to have it buzz twice in rapid succession. Two messages; one from Kanji and the other from Yosuke. She chose Yosuke's first.

 _OK good ur not ded!_ _wen ur redy, i hav a gift, curtasE (omg speling) of JUNES! (so excitng i no) lemme no an ill bring it 2 u_

She had to smile, sending back a quick _THNK U. TOMORROW?_ before closing her eyes and opening Kanji's.

 _D_ _in_ _ner sounds_ _great_ _._ _T_ _h_ _anks_ _._ _You're_ _a_

The message ended abruptly, and Naoto frowned. Before she could send a reply, a new message came in from Kanji.

 _shit s_ _or_ _ry phone fell on my face._ _I'll let Ma know you're coming._ _See_ _yo_ _u w_ _h_ _en_ _yo_ _u get here._

Naoto hid a giggle behind the back of her free hand. She could almost see him, still lying on the floor in the upstairs living space, phone held over his face to see the screen—and then losing his grip and having it smack into him. _I also note he isn't finishing his final sentence._ _I wonder..._ Biting her lip, she tried for what she hoped was a playful jab. _Now is really when I could use Yu's advice..._

_YES. WHAT WAS UR LAST SENTENCE? IM A WHAT?_

Attempting to make her own humor was always a risk, but after everything that had happened the past 24 hours, she figured she was entitled to this. _Besides, it may also read as a lack of societal grace, which i_ _s_ _certainly something I have been accused of._

Though this knot in her chest while she waited for his response was an unwelcome addition.

It took a long moment before her phone finally buzzed again. Selecting the message, she felt her breath catch—and then realized it was Yosuke, replying that yes, tomorrow was fine and he'd text her again then. She grumbled and almost set her phone down when it buzzed a second time.

 _U_ _m._ _Sor_ _ry_ _a_ _bout that, me_ _a_ _nt_ _to_ _delete it._ _J_ _ust go_ _ing_ _to_ _say_ _you're_ _awesome for bringing me food._ _Yo_ _u don'_ _t hav_ _e_ _to._

Try as she might, she couldn't stop the fond smile from landing on her lips.

_I WANT TO. SEE U TONITE._

She had no idea what she was doing. But it was a step, and maybe...just maybe...she'd start to uncover a bit of the enigma that was Kanji Tatsumi.

...And how he managed to affect her.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Making udon proved to be simpler than Naoto had feared. If Yakushiji questioned why she was in the kitchen, he didn't say anything—but then again, she _had_ said that she'd make food if she was interested.

Though that had been a question about lunch. Hm.

It wasn't until she was transferring the food into something more portable and making it ready to travel that the secretary appeared again. “Naoto-sama?”

“Ah, Yakushiji-san. I'm traveling back into town for a while. I have something to deliver and...I'd like to pay my respects at the shrine, for Grampa.”

“I see.” The secretary gave a small bow. “Will you be wanting transportation?”

“No, I will be content walking. The weather has cleared and I think the air will be good for me.” _As well as the time to think,_ she added silently.

“Very well.” The secretary bowed again, then headed back into the house.

Naoto grabbed her coat from the closet, slipping into the familiar blue fabric as she let out a slow breath. The weather was good for May, but the rain storm had made it chilly and if she was walking to the shrine, she'd want it. She had no interest in also falling ill. She picked up the thermal bag she'd packed with the udon, braced herself, and stepped out the door.

* * *

Halfway to the shrine, Naoto had started to question what she was doing. She'd made food, which she only assumed was edible to anyone other than her, for a young man she could barely hold a conversation with, and now was headed to give it personally to him and his mother. _What am I doing?_

The answer was simple: doing what Yu had told her was the right idea. And since she couldn't exactly argue that she had _better_ relationship skills than Yu Narukami, she'd been willing to listen. Not that Yu was doing much better with his current relationship aspirations, but...well, there were some extenuating factors there. But she remembered the tone in Yu's voice when he spoke about his friend, and the relief on Yosuke's face when he'd come home from the impromptu trip to the city to see Yu...then the way they clearly enjoyed each other's company over Golden Week? It was clear, even if Yu was still hesitant. It would work out.

Now if she could only have the same confidence in her own situation.

 _Not that it's the same. I... This isn't an attempted relationship so much as an attempted...understanding._ She'd keep telling herself that until she believed it, and forgot about the fairly uncomfortable dream from the night prior.

_Except it wasn't uncomfortable, and that's what unnerves you._

She had been so calm, so...peaceful in that moment. None of her usual concerns, none of her image issues, none of her frustrations. She was blissful in that one moment, completely content to be wrapped in the man's arms.

She'd never been that calm in her waking memory. Ever.

Naoto tried to push the memory from her mind before she reached the shopping district. It was going to be difficult enough, coming back with food after just having left not hours prior, without having to remember nighttime fantasies. One foot in front of the other, walking familiar paths, until finally she found herself at the door of the textile shop. Shifting the bag to her off hand, she brought the other up to knock at the frame.

A moment later the door opened, revealing Kanji's mother, giving Naoto a gentle smile. “Hello again, Naoto-kun. It's so kind of you to do this.”

Naoto shifted, tugging down the brim of her cap—which she was infinitely grateful to have grabbed again before she left. “It's truly nothing. I was intending to return to the shrine tonight regardless, and it seemed prudent of me to make a gesture of gratitude, particularly when Kanji-kun has fallen ill.”

Tatsumi-san just laughed, hiding the smile behind her hand. “I'm sure Kanji wouldn't phrase it quite that way, but you know him. He's always so stubborn. Please, come in.” She stepped back, letting Naoto walk in and slip off her shoes, making her way up the stairs to where she knew the kitchen was. “I think Kanji's in his room. Why don't you get yourself and the food situated while I go and fetch him?”

Naoto nodded, setting the bag on the table and shifting the container out. She wasn't sure where anything was kept in their kitchen, so instead of finding bowls, she simply located a serving spoon and decided that was likely as much “situating” that she was going to be able to do. She laced her fingers together, staring at the container. _What was I thinking...?_ _I am entirely out of my depth._ Yet somewhere in her mind—or maybe just Yu's mind—this was the best course of action.

_I just hope it's edible. It tasted all right to me...? I should have have Yakushiji-san try it first. I will ruin everything I've tried to do if I give him food poisoning._

Before she could completely spiral herself into despair (or something less melodramatic perhaps) she heard footsteps returning and straightened up. Kanji's mother was first through the door, smiling again, a groggy Kanji trailing behind her. “Oh, I'm sorry,” Tatsumi-san said. “I didn't tell you where to find anything. I apologize; let me get some bowls down.”

“It's quite all right, Tatsumi-san. I didn't want to intrude in your kitchen.” Naoto let her bustle past, as she kept a wary eye on Kanji. For his part, he was rubbing his eyes and thus oblivious to the awkwardness of the situation. Naoto swallowed and tried to sound calm. “How are you feeling, Kanji-kun?”

His hand dropped, eyes tracking over to her, blinking slowly. “Tired still. Just kinda blah. I think I fell asleep again. Don't think I've slept this much in years.” He managed a faint smile. “Thanks again.”

“Of course, it's no trouble. As I said, I was going to come down again in any event, and I thought...this would be at least something of a gesture of good will.” Naoto tugged on her hat again.

“It's very sweet, Naoto-kun. Kanji-kun and I both appreciate it,” Tatsumi-san offered, looking up from the three bowls on the table. “Would you like to serve, or should I?”

“Ah...” Naoto blinked. “It...it does not particularly matter...”

The woman smiled. “Don't worry about it, then. You and Kanji take a seat, and I'll get your dinner served.”

* * *

Through some small miracle, the meal managed to be not entirely awkward. Kanji was quiet and focused on his food, and his mother seemed content to ask about Naoto's grandfather, how school was going, and what she intended to do for college. All safe and expected questions, and ones she could answer in her sleep. It did wonders for her nerves simply to be able to rattle off expected answers and not be too concerned with how she was phrasing them. Tatsumi-san understood her perfectly, even when she tripped over words.

When the meal was finished, she waved off the container, telling Kanji's mother to keep the rest. “It will do more good here than in the estate,” she insisted. “With only two of us in the mansion, it is uncertain we would remember it was there.” Naoto smiled. “Please, by all means. It was made for you.”

“Well thank you, Naoto. That's very kind of you.” Tatsumi-san moved around, cleaning up dishes and putting the remaining udon away. “You said you were headed to the shrine?”

“Mmm.” Naoto nodded. “I suppose if I want to get back to the estate before the sky has gone completely dark, I should be heading on. Thank you again, for everything.”

“Don't worry about it,” the woman responded with a gentle laugh. “Our door is open to any of Kanji's friends, at any time. Be careful, walking back.”

“I will.” She bowed and headed back to the door. She'd gotten her shoes on and stood up—jumping back with her heart in her throat when Kanji appeared in front of her. “Kanji-kun. You startled me.”

“Sorry.” He coughed, rubbing his head. “Fig'red I'd ask. You...” He paused. “You want me to come with? Or you wanna go alone?” Naoto opened her mouth to answer, but Kanji hadn't quite finished yet. “I jus' remember your birthday, month or so ago, an'...” He shrugged. “Jus' wanted to ask.”

Naoto's breath caught for a moment. _Of course._ She'd been so loathe to let anyone come with her to visit her parents' grave, and had been just shy of forced to allow Naoki and Kanji accompany her...but she'd found that the presence of her classmates had been balancing. They knew her pain, and knew how to bear it with her. It had been a better experience than she'd feared.

And that was what Kanji was saying, under the simple words. _You don't have to do everything alone._ Even if he didn't know her grampa, even if he didn't have a personal investment in the situation...he was her friend, and he could support her. Out of anyone on the Investigation Team, Kanji was the most likely to not push when something was awry.

“I...” She looked down. “Thank you. I...would appreciate your company, if you feel up to the task.”

She heard him snort. “I think I c'n walk next door an' back without falling over.” He slipped into his shoes. “C'mon.”

They walked out the door, silently making their way over to the shrine, Kanji with his hands in the pocket of his hooded sweatshirt, Naoto's folded in front of her. Once at the altar, Naoto took a breath, lowering her head. Kanji joined her a moment later, and Naoto glanced over briefly to see him staring blankly in front of him, hands folded outside of his pocket now.

She closed her eyes, facing forward again. _I don't know what to ask of you specifically...but please watch over my grandfather. I...I don't know what I would do if I were to lose him. I have wonderful friends, but I can't depend on them this much. I..._ She swallowed, fighting back tears. _I just want him to recover, and return home. I want things to return to normal._

A moment passed, and an addendum pressed at her mind. _And...if you can show some kind of guidance in relation to Kanji-kun. This is not something I have any experience with, or any past knowledge. Yu insists that there is something more, and I must admit I am beginning to question...but I don't know how I feel in return. I don't understand how to make sense of what I have been going through. Any sign of what I should do, and I will appreciate it._

Satisfied, she tossed a coin into the offering box and took another deep breath. Kanji's coin followed a moment after and he glanced over to her. “You okay?”

She blinked. “I...yes, of course. Why...” Her voice petered out as Kanji's gaze didn't waver. _I've been telling him I'm all right for so long. Is it really true?_ She sighed, looking down at the ground. “I am...worried. If my grandfather does not recover, I don't know what becomes of me. I am not close with any of my other relatives, and I doubt any of them live near here. I know that it isn't strictly speaking necessary for me to finish my schooling, but I would rather complete it with everyone else, and go on to university to perfect my trade. But...”

Kanji waited a moment before responding. “But you don't know if you get to make that choice.”

She nodded, looking over toward him again, focusing on his hands. “I've already lost so much of my family.” Her voice was little more than a whisper. “I don't want to lose the rest.”

Her vision blurred, but she could hear Kanji make some kind of noise, and then her balance shifted abruptly to her left—and she could feel a hand on her shoulder, an arm around her. She couldn't help it; her resolve cracked and she coughed out a sob that she desperately wanted to swallow. Her shoulders were shaking and the tears were running down her cheeks and she was _so tired_ of crying but nothing would stop it. Kanji's arm tightened and he shifted enough to bring his other arm around her in a hug, letting her forehead fall onto his chest. “Hey...s'okay. It's gonna be okay.”

Naoto held her breath, trying to make her shoulders stop shaking and failing. She huffed out the breath, eyes clenched shut. “I'm so tired of this.”

“I bet. I ain't seen you this bad the whole time I known you.” That got a faint coughed laugh from her, and she tried to take a steadying breath. “But you got a whole buncha shit thrown at you all at once, an' no one does good with that. You had more than enough reason to break down in the past year. Shit, I think everyone else did at some point. Yer just overdue.”

A few more breaths and the sobs were finally fading. Naoto took a deep breath, trying to ensure her voice wouldn't shake. “Even you?”

Kanji scoffed. “Course. All that shit would get to anyone. I mean, if nothin' else, after what happened to Nanako-chan...” His voice faded out, and Naoto didn't need him to finish. She remembered as well as the rest how that night in the hospital felt. Needless to say, Kanji shifted the subject. “Your gramps is gonna be fine. If he's anything like you, old man's got a hell of a fight in him. He's not gonna give up that easy.”

 _That's true enough. No Shirogane has ever been known to back down easily from a fight._ She took another breath. _Do not go gently into that good night...rage, rage against the dawning of the light. Stay strong, Grampa._ Naoto nodded against Kanji's chest. “Yes. You're right.” She felt Kanji's arms shift, but when she did not make any indication that she was moving, he held tight again.

It took her a moment to find the words. “My parents. That's why I hate storms.”

She could almost hear Kanji blink in confusion. “Your parents?”

“The car accident they...they died in. It was in a thunderstorm. I was waiting at home, house dark from a power outage, alone for at least an hour before my grampa came to find me. It's my most vivid memory of the evening, having my grandfather appear in my doorway and tell me amid the thunder and lightning that my parents weren't coming home.”

There was a long moment of silence before Naoto heard Kanji mutter something that sounded like “shit,” then tighten his arms around her, tugging her firmer against his chest. “Fuck, Naoto. I...” There was a pause, and he breathed out. “I'm sorry.”

She shook her head, best she could against his chest. “It's nothing I enjoy talking about. Generally I have Yakushiji-san in the house, at least. But last night...”

“Compounding issues,” Kanji murmured, something she heard more than felt.

“Hm?”

“You said las' night you had compounding issues that made you not like the storm. Tha's what it was.”

She swallowed, but nodded. “Yes.” Naoto could feel Kanji's fingers tighten into a fist on her jacket, his arm shaking ever so slightly from the effort. Taking a breath, she reached out to put her arms around him in turn, fingers wrapping into the fabric of his sweatshirt. She felt his breath hitch, but he made no other reaction.

Neither of them moved for a long moment, Naoto slowly growing more accustomed to the position, listening to the _thump-thump_ of Kanji's heartbeat through the fabric of his sweatshirt. Was it quicker than usual? Perhaps. There were several reasons why that could be, however, and Naoto wasn't willing to play that much of a guessing game. It seemed like an eternity before she finally loosened her hands, letting them trace back down to her sides as she moved away from Kanji, his grip on her letting go as well.

“Thank you,” she managed, wiping at her eyes with the edge of her sleeve, drying the remnants of tears away. “I'm sorry for...” Her voice failed her. _Sorry for what?_ She honestly wasn't sure. Naoto shook her head. “I don't know. Startling you.”

Even through the bright red blush, Kanji managed a chuckle at that. “S'not the first time. Prob'ly won't be the last.” His expression sobered, and he lowered his gaze at her. “You sure yer okay now, to walk home? I c'n...”

“No.” She cut him off, a faint smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “You'll do nothing of the sort. You'll stay here, and rest until tomorrow, and I will see you at school. I promise, you have done more than enough over the past two days. I am truly in your debt.”

Kanji shook his head. “Nah. Don' worry about it. Glad I could help.”

Naoto slid her hands into her pockets, giving Kanji a nod of a bow. “Then be well, Kanji-kun. I'll hope to see you in class tomorrow.”

She'd gotten most of the way to the steps down to the street before Kanji's voice called after her. “Naoto?”

Naoto stopped and turned around. “Hm?”

“Can...” She saw him sigh, then lower his head and walk over to her. It was a moment, once he arrived next to her again, before he finished the sentence. “Can you just call me Kanji? I just...” He wouldn't look at her. “All of us, what we went through...it jus' seems like...” He didn't seem to have the rest of the words.

“There is a level of familiarity between those of the investigation team not commonly seen among other friends,” Naoto offered, and Kanji nodded. Naoto could hear echoes of her dream. _“Din't I tell you we're friends? Don't gotta be so formal all the time.”_ He was right, of course. She'd never had a closer friend than those in the investigation team, not even from her previous investigations. But... _No. He's right. These are the closest friends you are likely to ever have, Shirogane. If not them...who?_ “I'll do my best. It is...habit of mine, so I'm afraid I'll likely forget. But...I can try.”

Kanji's gaze snapped up; clearly that wasn't the answer he'd expected. _I can't say as I blame him. It wasn't the answer I expected either._ “I...okay, cool. Yeah. Thanks.”

She nodded again. “You ought to get back inside. It's gotten significantly colder out.” Naoto pulled her shoulders in and they walked down the steps in tandem, glancing at each other at the bottom.

“Yer sure yer okay to walk back?” Kanji asked.

“Positive. I'll send you a text when I arrive to prove it.” They both smiled a bit at that. “I'll see you tomorrow...” She swallowed. “Kanji.”

Even in the fading light, Kanji's blush was bright. “You too, Naoto. Walk safe.”

And as she walked back toward the house, the sound of the coin clinking in the offering box and the residual warmth from the impromptu hug from Kanji kept her spirits lifted.

_I believe my prayer was heard. Perhaps it **is** going to be okay._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that does it for this story! Trust me, I'm not done with these dorks by a long shot, but I want to catch GIBTG up to this one in times of timeline so I can stop guessing of what comes where. So who knows, maybe you'll see some more Kanji and Naoto figuring out this crazy thing they have.
> 
> Thank you all SO MUCH for hanging in with me all this time, and for the reviews, and for all the love. I can never say how much it means to me, and how much you've inspired me! It's truly an honor to write for you guys, and I can't wait until the next story.
> 
> Until then, I remain your obedient servant,  
> JC

**Author's Note:**

> Babies :( No worries, I'm continuing soon! Promise!


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